Giving up

After teaching and coming home and eating a quick dinner (sadly I didn’t cook the pasta I meant to), I am ready for my futon. Despite deadlines galore, I’m going to relax again tonight.

And by relax I mean do some soul searching and some researching.

It’s good news that I got into UBC’s Journalism program in the beautiful beautiful Vancouver BUT it’s raising doubts in me (what the heck?!). I need to get on track with where I want to end up — and stop letting the lure of a good school or a nice city stray me away from what I know and trust about myself. It’s time for some goal setting, kiddos!

I wasn’t going to bring it up on this blog because I really thought it was something I’d be able to sort through myself, but I’m realizing more and more I’m bothered by something. When I told a friend, who I know didn’t mean to hurt me, that I was thinking of heading back to Brescia for Foods and Nutrition as a second undergrad, she asked me if I meant I was “giving up” on UBC and Columbia. I was really hurt by the comment, and I don’t blame her but I do question how much I was affected by it. Is it “giving up” if I don’t go? What if it’s because I’ve decided that “journalist” isn’t the right job title for me, but “writer” is? But the insecurity I have makes me wonder: am I so sure this is what I want to do?

These are the questions I need to think through tonight and for the next little while. The deadline to accept for journalism school is in mid-March, which is fast approaching. I really don’t KNOW the job title I want when I grow up. I accept that that much is entirely normal. It gets scary when going to a master’s program that I’ve already been accepted to presents itself as an opportunity–one that I was so sure I wanted not too long ago. When I think about things, though, I remember why I strayed from it in the first place: I don’t know that the lifestyle, insecurity, and stress that goes along with being a professional journalist would be the kind of living I want. I do know that I LOVE writing. I do know that there is stress and insecurity in terms of other careers too. But I know that constant deadlines and the stress of writing pieces, especially about things I don’t particularly love, is less than ideal for me.

I also know that I have done a fair bit of writing for a student and have enjoyed it but the majority of it has been stuff I’ve gotten set up with via connections, people I’ve met/networking, or pure luck. I know there’s talk of not even needing a journalism degree to be a journalist (but I always thought you might as well get an education if that’s your goal), but I’m not sure what the consensus is on how a journalism school degree would help you get freelance work or to write about topics you’re passionate about. If I wanted to be a journalist full time, I’d go. It’s here where I get hung up. I would like to be a freelancer, I think, who has another job. And I don’t want to have that other job because I have to, but because I want to. I want a career that I’m passionate about that allows me to write. Think Nancy Clarke’s articles, what Michael Pollan does, or the work that a lot of professionals in their industries do in terms of writing.

To me, that whole goal would be better achieved by doing what I’m doing with writing (writing about some stuff outside of my loves to build my portfolio, practicing on a blog, freelancing whenever I can, and writing for free<–money is just a bonus if I do get paid but I know lots of aspiring journalists don’t want to “just write for free”) and by getting more training (i.e. more fitness teaching certifications or working with the ones I have) or education (hence going back to school). I know all of this, but I still have a little voice in my head that says if I want to be “legit” I should go to school for journalism.

Or that in ten years I might regret not going.

But that’s crap. In ten years, I can be whoever I want to be. Ten years is long enough to change everything but isn’t so long that you don’t see how those changes could happen. I could end up living in BC in a different route. I could end up being a contributor for Women’s Health via my route now (I am already writing for a national magazine, and I don’t give myself credit). OR I could totally change my mind and find something else. I could be the next Michael Pollan. I could end up a teacher, teaching kids to make a difference (cheesy but true). I could change the world. I don’t have to know HOW, I just have to trust that I have that kind of power.

I had a good talk with Mel today about some of the stuff I say that “pisses her off” — so much love for you, PS, Mel — like “I don’t know how it’s going to get better” usually referring to my hip or like “I should do ______” — and she told me straight up, you need to believe in yourself and even though we don’t know what’s going to happen, we have to believe that stuff is going to come through for us (I’m going to run this season and I will have a freaking vegetable garden and a house with a husband, some day). She also is good at reminding me to make a decision and own it (which is advice I receive a lot and even give out to friends). Sometimes I need to follow my own advice and check in on all those cheesy quotes I share with my friends…

Literally, food for thought. I have a lot of thinking to do! I am looking for advice from people in my life–I have a lot of unconditional support, which is awesome, and I know this is my own decision, but I am SOLICITING for it. I want some guidance, insight, etc.

I also want to go lay down and think! So that’s what I’m going to do.

What do you think? Have you ever dealt with a similar decision?

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WIAW

I think a wordless WIAW is in order because there’s a big wordy post brewing in my heart/mind.

yogurts, muesli, banana, and honey

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carrot sticks, almond and pumpkin butter sandwich

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apple!

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Clif crunchy granola bar (it's been a long time!), cottage cheese

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tasty but gross looking: carrot with almond butter (one of a few)

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my fallback: squash with almond butter, raisins, spinach, and maple syrup + 120910290192 PB fingers

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sweet...dates look like cockroaches.

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my decaf habit will die...another day

Bedtime

As much as I wanted bedtime at 4 today, I made it through–with a smile on my face cuz that’s how I roll. I’m not going to lie, I needed a few hugs, some text messages, a few blog comments/reads, and a phone call for some support today. Thanks guys.

I taught bootcamp and did most of the stuff with my girls. I missed them–and I think they missed me, but maybe not burpees. So we didn’t do TOO many of them!

Bootcamp: February 28, 2012

warmup

3x through circuit 1:

  • 2:00 jump rope
  • 1:30 side plank/plank/side plank (30 seconds each)
  • 1:00 plank walkout/pushup

  • 0:30 burpees (had to throw em in!)

3x through circuit 2:

  • 2:00 walking lunges/jogging between cones
  • 1:30 high plank/plank up downs/low plank

  • 1:00 squats (regular, plie, jump)
  • 0:30 wall sits

cooldown/stretch

It was challenging but not too sweaty or too tough, I don’t think! A good choice for the first one back after a week off, anyways. I even did some of the lunges with them without pain! I backed off when I started to feel anything, but there is progress in the right direction with my hip. I had a massage appointment today and my therapist dug into it and went for it (against what we’ve been doing–avoiding it) instead of working everything around it. She also worked on my neck and shoulders (which were a mess and the migraine didn’t help) and I just felt so much better after the session. I am also going to try yoga this week (Friday, I hope!) to play around with working on the hip. Cautious but willing to take a chance is my best descriptor for this. I’m still waiting on an appointment for the bone scan and have physio scheduled for next week. Proactiveness helps me feel less helpless. I also printed two articles off of runners feed — one about core and one about working the glutes–both of which I’m pretty sure could help me!

Dinner tonight was so random: leftover tofu from Sunday’s TLT sandwiches (which was baked) in a sandwich with my cheeze sauce from last night and a caesar salad. I was seriously getting into my croutons when I realized what I was doing and stopped. Then I read the ingredients, realized I was a little weirded out by “ammonium sulfate” and looked it up. It’s just to enhance food colouring, apparently, but it caught me off guard. Why can’t I just eat food the right colour? I’m not saying it’s bad to eat something out of a package, but I’m going to choose another package without this stuff (FYI there’s another bag in my cupboard that has all normal ingredients I can picture in my mind) in the future. Progress. 🙂 I stifled my munchies with the rest of my dried papaya, a few dates, and an apple. Now I’m going to have a hot beverage and close down the kitchen, finally! Some days I think I have a hollow leg…or two! And I’m not EVEN doing workouts right now…so you can imagine my appetite when I’m training. I miss training, PS, in case you didn’t notice!

Anyways, when I started this post I legitimately said it would be the shortest I’ve written in a long time, but apparently I had more to say than I thought! Tomorrow’s not particularly busy: school/Gazette/teaching (sound familiar) and hopefully working on my writing assignments! Wish me luck.

How is your night?
Do you ever wonder about ingredients in your food? Do they affect what you buy?
What’s the best workout you’ve done lately? Any ideas for me!?

Migraines make me cranky

Migraines stress me out.

My migraines, though they don’t come that often, come often enough to send me into a little bit of anxiety–Am I going to get one today? What if I’m out driving and I get an aura? What if it happens while I’m working or before an exam?--but I’ve also come to realize that I can kind of predict them: I always get them AFTER an exciting or stressful time. Never during, which I guess is a blessing, but after, when I should be slowing down. When I get frantic and running around and my mind is racing to 1o1212109 things I need to do in the next few weeks (i.e. how I felt yesterday), then I can be almost certain I’m going to get one. Of course, I get random attacks that I can’t trace to much (maybe the weather?), but for the most part, managing my stress before it gets out of hand so I don’t have something to come down from is a wise bet for me, I think.

Oh, PS, I got a migraine last night, in case you didn’t guess. I tried a new medicine and while my headache is gone, I do NOT feel good. Tired, fuzzy, emotional…you get the gist. I want to go home to bed but I’m hanging out and keeping my eyes open til I teach bootcamp tonight. I love teaching, but I really just want a heating pad, my futon, and wonderful sleep.

Missing swim this morning was hard, but when I woke up at 4am and knew what was up, all I could do was turn off my alarm, take my pills, and sleep this bad boy off. So I did. I also had a snack of dried papaya (last night I was into it before bed and had an apple for the sweetness I apparently wanted)–which is a habit I probably don’t need. Migraines make me nauseas but the stress always sends me reeling for sweet–candy, dried fruit, whatever is on hand. That just turns into emotional eating that leaves me feeling guilty and gross and to be honest, it makes the next day, which needs to involve plenty of rest and sleep, more nerve wracking. Good thing I read that there are still nutrients in that treat in this article about dried fruit that came up on my facebook news feed today.

I’m going to stop rambling, but I’m not done with this migraine talk yet–if you get them, you know how much they can really rock you. I was lucky to read a piece by Joan Didion (which I didn’t realize was written way back when in 1968) that I could totally relate to. You can read the whole thing online, but these points I especially relate to:

“We have reached a certain understanding, my migraine and I. It never comes when I am in real trouble. Tell me that my house is burned down, my husband has left me, that there is gunfighting in the streets and panic in the banks, and I will not respond by getting a headache. It comes instead when I am fighting not an open but a guerrilla war with my own life, during weeks of small household confusions, lost laundry, unhappy help, canceled appointments, on days when the telephone rings too much and I get no work done and the wind is coming up. On days like that my friend comes uninvited.”

Sound familiar?

She also writes:

“And once it comes, now that I am wise in its ways, I no longer fight it. I lie down and let it happen. At first every small apprehension is magnified, every anxiety a pounding terror. Then the pain comes, and I concentrate only on that. Right there is the usefulness of migraine, there in that imposed yoga, the concentration on the pain. For when the pain recedes, ten or twelve hours later, everything goes with it, all the hidden resentments, all the vain anxieties. The migraine has acted as a circuit breaker, and the fuses have emerged intact. There is a pleasant convalescent euphoria. I open the windows and feel the air, eat gratefully, sleep well. I notice the particular nature of a flower in a glass on the stair landing. I count my blessings.”

Yupp, migraine works like that for me. The slap in the face to remind me that even though I’m injured and cranky and can’t do all the things I want to, I can do a lot. I can enjoy the sun. I don’t have to be a bear just because I don’t feel like myself all the time right now. I can be happy in spite of, and even BECAUSE of all of it!

What doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger, and in my case more grateful.

It also helped that my overnight oats in a jar (with banana and almond milk) were amazing — lots of leftovers in the bottom of that almond butter jar), and that I made a delicious salad with my leftover portobellos from last night’s yummy dinner.

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So there, migraine.

I’m focusing on how this is just one day of my life. This injury is just 7 weeks of my year. I can and will run again. I can and will have days where I feel good — thinking of all the days I don’t get migraines is always helpful when I start to get anxious about them. Slowing down, not trying to get any of the assignments (including a new one for Canadian Cycling Magazine that literally found me without me having to ask–yahoo!) or projects I “should” be working on done right now, and trying to smile a bit is my best course of action! Happy by choice, which reminds me of a quote:

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”

Have you ever had a migraine?
How do you move on when you’re feeling blah?
When do you know it’s time for a day off?  

I’m a monster

A SPINACH MONSTER! The title comes from a discussion I’ve had with a few different people about how Cookie Monster jumped on the “healthy train”  (ridiculous in my mind if this is being considered a legit way to address obesity/health issues amongst kids)…and from the bag of spinach that I dominated tonight. Granted, it was going to go bad, so it had to be used–and my favourite ways are to make spinach chips (a la kale chips) OR to toss it in a smoothie. I had bigger and better plans than a smoothie for dinner, sooo spinach chips it was!

You should eat the whole bag chips

 

Ingredients:

spinach
olive oil
salt or other seasonings

Directions:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
Toss spinach with olive oil–all the leaves should get some love but shouldn’t be damp.
On a cookie sheet, bake the spinach in a single layer til it gets a bit crispy.

Enjoy!

I also made a burger—meatless Monday (or lifetime, :)) approved! And the tastiest part? The nutritional yeast (nooch, my new fav word) “cheeze” I made. I have so many ideas for this stuff–pasta or maybe macaroni and cheese sauce (a la Oh She Glows), some ideas from Love, Veggies, and Yoga, nachos…I thought I was STUFFED after dinner but I just got hungry.  You should probably try these recipes!

Perfect Portobello “burgers”

Ingredients:

Portobello mushrooms, cleaned with stems removed
olive oil
onions, diced
garlic, diced
Ezekiel bun, toasted
cheeze sauce – see recipe

Directions:

In a frying pan, sauté olive oil, onions, and garlic.
In the microwave, cook mushrooms til tender (about 2 minutes).
In the meantime, toast Ezekiel bun and prepare cheeze sauce.
Spread cheeze sauce on bun, add a mushroom cap, and top with garlic/onion mixture.
Enjoy!

Cheeze sauce
My take on the “How It All Vegan” recipe

Ingredients:

½ cup nutritional yeast
4 tbsp flour
1 tbsp olive oil
1 cup water
1 tsp salt

Directions:

In a saucepan, combine the ingredients.
Heat over medium heat, stirring with a fork constantly ‘til melted.
Remove from heat – “cheeze” will firm up as it sits.

The rest of today’s eats were far less photogenic:

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pre swim greek yogurt with a splash of chocolate soy milk and some kamut flakes for crunch

my lunchbox: a spinach/maple/sweet potato/almond butter salad (lunch), an oatmeal/chocolate soy milk/banana/almond mix (breakfast), and an apple (snack) -- the LARA bar survived, mostly because someone brought Hershey Kisses to the office!

I’m just at Starbucks now with Nina (love this girl) about to get down to a bit of writing I have been putting off all day. I’ll blame it on all the love I poured into this morning’s post about my recovery — and that’s not a bad thing. Thanks for all the feedback and love, guys!

Whatdya think about Cookie Monster switching over to Veggie Monster?
How was your Monday?
Did you go meatless today?

Have you ever tried nutritional yeast? Thoughts? 

Eating Disorders Awareness Week: My Story

Hey everyone!

I am really excited to post this, because it means a lot to me. This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week and I want to do something in honour of it. So I’m going to be posting a few posts this week on how I dealt with my eating issues and hopefully sharing some resources for people who are struggling, know someone who might be, or who just want to learn more. I blogged a lot about this stuff at my old blog, where I had a page dedicated to Finding Healthy (posts that had to do with my recovery). This blog is more about my Recovered. life but I still know that eating, something we have to do every day, can be an issue for so many of us. I also know that talking, writing, reading, and working through these things is the only way that I was able to get better.

To start, I’m going to just give a brief rundown of my story…

For the longest time, I was a “fat kid”. I can remember being nine years old and wanting to lose weight. Ever spring saw me looking forward to a summer where I would finally lose the weight. It seems ridiculous–fourth graders wanting to lose weight and understanding dieting and thinking that being skinny will bring them happiness exist and I’m proof of that–because it is. What society is okay that sets kids up to feel this way? I had a good childhood–my parents gave me all the opportunities in the world and never discussed my weight. That being said, kids are cruel (“I think you need some Slim Fast.” stands out as a cruel insult that I’ll never forget from a boy I had a crush on).

I am fairly certain what I thought of as a big issue only became an issue because I made it that way. Sure, when I was a chubby kid and I was eating plain butter (“Cheryl, put down the butter!”) and drinking “shots” of cream (the creamers my mom didn’t use for her coffee), I might have been taking in a bit extra, but I really think I’d have lost the “baby fat” naturally if I’d just let it happen, but with the idea that I needed to be thin and to lose the weight came restriction and with that restriction came bingeing. As early as elementary school, I can remember coming home and eating bags of chips while I waited for my mom to get home from work. High school saw my issues getting worse–I remember my first binge and attempt at purging. I started wrestling and learned how to restrict and basically starve myself to make weight, and then it was normal to overindulge after, which only made my bingeing tendencies more of an issue. When I lost weight in high school, it was thanks to a whole lot of restriction and emotional issues. Hearing how great I looked was fuel for the fire and I kept losing and losing and working out more and more.

When I realized I had an issue–largely because I stopped getting my periods, started getting serious migraines, was depressed, and had a bone density scan come back showing osteopenia–I sought recovery. I came a long way then, with the help of a dietitian, counsellors, doctors, antidepressants, and my family, but when I went away to Hawaii the summer after high school, I slipped. I gained about 40 pounds that summer/fall (when I went away to university) and I also became bulimic. I was at one of my heaviest weights at this point, but no one thought I was unhealthy and I really thought I was “too fat” to have an eating disorder. I was exercising for hours (often twice a day, with teaching fitness classes as kind of an excuse for such extremes), bingeing and purging, and I was miserable. I stopped taking the antidepressants without any doctor’s guidance–a silly mistake a lot of people make–and the depression came right back.

This is the part of the story that a lot of people don’t know about/that is kind of unexpected. I had good grades that year, despite all my issues, but I dropped out of Western in the middle of my second semester of first year and enrolled in college at home. I lasted about two days at the college before I realized I’d made a mistake. I went through a heck of a process to get back to Western, spent a few months commuting the hour drive, and then found myself an apartment here and moved back. I was grateful to be back, but I still wasn’t happy and I was still depressed and struggling with my eating issues. I finally, with the hopes of losing weight, made an appointment to go to the dietician (it’s free for students). I didn’t tell her about my binges or my habits, but just went in under the premise of wanting to lose weight. She was obviously on to me, but didn’t press me too hard. Having a set meal plan made me realize I was under eating and then bingeing as a natural result of being stressed and underfed. I opened up to her after a few appointments and I started the work of dealing with my bingeing and purging. There was a lot of hard nights, where I’d sit with the binges. There were hard days, where I’d try to take a day off but almost always give in. I consider this point the time where I “managed” my issues but didn’t deal with where they were coming from. For the next year or so, I got by. I wasn’t thriving, but I wasn’t in the depths of the eating disorder.

Skip ahead to JAnuary of my third year. I decided once and for all, after some pictures where I thought I looked “puffy” to lose weight. I joined Jillian Michaels’ online training program, started working out twice a day again, and started to limit my carb intake at night. I thought I was eating healthier, and for a while I was. It was motivating to see the weight I’d been carrying around for so long falling off at a steady pace. I rewarded myself in 10 pound increments with things like pedicures, new shoes, jewelry, etc. I decided to come back to Western the next year as a nutrition student because I really got excited about eating healthier foods in moderation. But then I got to a point where my weight loss stalled. I was really lonely (my family lives far away and I used it as an excuse to isolate myself) and I started to restrict more and more. I don’t want to go into details, but I was scared of carbs and fat and I lied to the dietitian about my portion sizes. During all this time, I still didn’t get my period and I was still exercising quite a bit. The summer after my third year saw so many compliments about my weight loss/transformation and I had fun teaching bootcamp, doing yoga, and biking my butt off (literally). I came back in the fall 10 pounds below my original “goal weight” at the “ideal weight” for my height (BMI), but “ideal weight” is a crock of shit (pardon my french).

After a few months in the food and nutrition program, I realized I was sick. I realized that the tallies of calories on the side of my notes and the planning of my meals days in advance (tuna or chicken? oatmeal or cereal?) was unhealthy, so I went back to the dietitian. I opened up about what was going on. I dropped out of the nutrition courses I could and finished organic chemistry and the two half credits I had left in the semester. I switched back into kinesiology, terrified of food. I started to volunteer at The Gazette to fill my spare time and realized there was a world outside of weight loss. I still struggled with some habits, had ED thoughts, and used exercise compulsively, but I was en route to recovered. I saw a counsellor on a weekly basis, started going to support groups, and read as many books about Eating Disorders as I possibly could (I can’t wait to share a list of these with you guys–books made a huge difference for me). A year after setting a ton of weight loss resolutions, I set a ton of recovery resolutions instead. And the year was not an easy one, but it was an amazing one. I learned a lot about myself, I started to see working out as training (my first season of triathlon was changing for me), and I started to gain weight in a healthy, slow manner. I had struggles along the way, but who doesn’t?

That brought me to this year and where I consider myself recovered. There was a lot of learning along the way–lots by mistakes, and lots by realizing what felt right and what felt wrong. I erred on the side of overindulging, on the side of overexercising, etc. BUT it was only by doing that I could learn! I stay accountable to my dietitian and I sometimes go to support group if I’m feeling like I could use some love. I can take rest days, rest weeks, and I can eat junk food or leave it. I’m learning that it’s okay to want to eat healthy, we need to focus on eating real food in healthy ways, we need to exercise because it feels good, and I get it now that if you want to be happy, you will be.

I could never have gotten better if it wasn’t for the support of the people in my life. Friends, family, professionals, strangers… I couldn’t have gotten better if it wasn’t for me, wanting to. That’s what is key. You can have all the support in the world and not get better. You can have little support and get better. It’s up to you. Not to be dramatic, but an eating disorder will kill you. If it doesn’t kill you, it’s going to make your life miserable. Being semi-recovered is part of the process, but it’s not okay to half ass it for the long term. You deserve to be better, all the way better. 

I realize this just turned into a novel/diary entry that I really didn’t think it would, but this is important. If it helps anyone realize that recovery takes a long time but is worth it, and you have to really commit–then I did something amazing and it was worth not doing my readings at the library for. 😉

So, what’s next for me? I want to help people who struggle–be it through writing, volunteering, talking to people, teaching fitness classes with health as the priority, or just by living as an example. As much as I was convinced nutrition wasn’t the right place for me in school, I’m coming to realize that the only way out is through and it was only by actually paying attention to food and letting myself focus on it in a healthy way that I could get better. You’re going to eat every day for the rest of your life — being scared of food is never going to make for a happy existence.

This is where I make a sort of announcement that I’ve been hesitant to make (for fear of someone<–who, I don’t know–saying I don’t deserve to be a dietitian or I am not healthy enough to take foods and nutrition): I am coming back to Western this fall to take Foods and Nutrition at Brescia…I am an RD to be!  I stole that uber cute phrase from Meg!

Do I regret taking a year to “find myself” and ending up back where I was last fall, in that same program? HELL NO. Not only am I going to come out with a kin degree and a foods and nutrition degree (sports dietician, anyone?), but I appreciate that life is about the process and we learn from our experiences. I just had a bit more time to become, well, awesome. I was in the program for the wrong reasons then — obsession — and I left for legitimate reasons at the time, but I’m ready to get back into it to learn about food with a new appreciation for it, new goals (changing the world to eat in a more conscious way, perhaps?), and new insight (recovery teaches you more than you could possibly know). I am beyond excited for summer school (never thought I’d say that) and for the next year and a half of courses, and I cannot wait to blog about the experience the whole way through (imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Kath)!

And break.

Do you have a recovery story to share (link up!)?
Do you like to look back on how far you’ve come?
What do you think about a second degree? 

I do and I don’t

…wanna go back to school/work, that is!

I am happy to be back in London — especially since I just got back from a particularly tasty Sunday Funday dinner with my friends and picked up a decaf starbucks on the way home. I missed my triathlon family so much…

I did manage to unpack, mostly, and to get some groceries! I noshed all morning long on some trail mix (a lot of it, times a few different gos)…

When I got back I went grocery shopping and then had a late afternoon snack of cottage cheese, pumpkin butter, flaxseed and some more of the trail mix…

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And then I went to Sunday Funday! ❤

My contribution tonight was T L Ts: tofu, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches! On extra flax-y bread with avocado (the tofu had some garlic and nutritional yeast on it and was baked)…yumm! And I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Hallelujah. There was also delicious veggies, salads, muffin tops (har har), etc. — we did good today. Picture’s not up yet, but we also LOOKED good. 😉

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Injury update: the x ray showed nothing, which I expected! But I got a bone scan referral and they’ll call tomorrow to make the appointment (which should be within a week). I don’t want a stress fracture, but I’m scared if I don’t have one that this mystery injury is going to drive me INSANE. I know that I’m learning from this process and I know you guys are sick of hearing me talk about this hip, so I’ll whine about my opposite knee, which is hurting all of a sudden (it hurt last summer and a bit in early January but it’s been quiet for a while and it doesn’t make sense since I literally did naddddda the last while). Anyways, my plan is this: keep doing physio (I have an appt tomorrow), keep working with the doc to see what is up (bone scan, etc.), and keep the Calgary 70.3 race plans on hold (i.e. not book a hotel or flight yet). Only time will tell and patience is a virtue which I don’t have am developing! I’m going to work out differently this week and just take it easy on my body: Monday swim, Tuesday swim, Wednesday teach spin (EZ tension), Thursday swim, Friday yoga, Saturday swim, and Sunday off. That’s the plan anyways, and for me that is a big step back. This is all so hard. The last month and a half I’ve not felt like myself. My body looks and feels different. I know it’s normal to feel out of whack. I’m dealing. Blogging helps!

I am beyond tired even though I didn’t do a whole lot today. My plan is to read some more (still loving Animal, Vegetable, Miracle) and to not think about the 5am alarm I have set for tomorrow…or the fact that I haven’t even thought about school for days…

Does it take you a while to adjust post vacation?
What’s your favourite way to spend a Sunday? (Mine’s with my friends, followed by some time with a good book!) 

Back to it

I thought I’d bombard you guys with ANOTHER post this morning, in anticipation of a busy week.

I just realized that suggests that I would give up blogging for school, work, or something like that. Ha. When I get busy, I feel as though my blog just takes on more importance–it’s like a break from the real world!

This morning I enjoyed a quick breakfast pulled together with the stuff I got last night and the cupboard stuff I keep at my mom’s place, just in case! Oats, soy milk, and an apple and a half 😉 with a few nuts and some maple syrup made for a yummy and quick breakfast this morning (and a nice change from the same old same old this week!).

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Now I’m just wondering what I could do on my to do list while I wait for the clinic to open! I really hope my hip mystery gets solved today or at least the investigation can begin! I know when my foot hurt last year, they did an x ray right at the place and could look at it same day. That would be good…because even if it shows nothing, maybe I can get a referral for more tests. I just want to know. Maybe I’m delusional and it is just muscle or tendon or whatever, but I don’t think NOT KNOWING is helping me out right now! I’ll stop complaining about this right now.

Here’s a few things to keep you occupied–stuff I added to my bookmarks this week:

  • Availability Guide (Ontario) – Might as well TRY to start with the produce that’s available from around here, right?
  • Cows Don’t Make Milk – It’s true. This is less of a slap in the face than Skinny Bitch (read an excerpt to get a taste for what that’s all about) but still raises a pretty good point.
  • Food Politics: Eating Liberally: unhealthy food obsessions? – It’s okay to wanna eat healthy. Seriously. While I’m not swearing off “junk food” any time soon, I’m also done eating it just to prove I can. It’s okay to wanna eat better, even if you’ve had an eating disorder. Taking an interest in food is NOT wrong.
  • Racing Weight: It’s Easier To Say Yes – Whether you wanna lose weight or just eat healthier, it’s better to focus on all the things you should eat MORE of than to think about the things you’re “giving up” or cutting down on!

Enjoy!

Whatdya think about dairy?
Have you read Skinny Bitch?
What’s your go to breakfast when you’re low on groceries?

Home (sorta)

Andddd, I’m in the motherland! And I’m cold…

The day went really fast and I can’t believe it’s almost bed time!

After a leisurely morning (which involved deconstructing my broken suitcase–Samsonite warranty my butt!), we headed to the airport.

I had a hankering for salty carbs: it was a toss up between pita chips, pretzels, or french fries. I usually “go with” my cravings if I’m actually hungry when they hit, so when I saw these bad boys I knew I was in luck.

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I’d already had a substantial morning snack (greek yogurt, a banana, and some Love Grown granola) before I left. I also had some sad moments when we were leaving cuz as much as I love London and miss my friends, I really haven’t spent this much time with my family in years. I feel loved and lucky and I’m sad to see the week come to an end (not to mention I don’t wanna go back to school in two days!).

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My plane ride involved coffee, an apple Lara bar, an apple, and a significant portion of the next book I’m loving: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. 

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Yepp, I’m gonna be raving about this one. Kindaaaa made me wanna find a job where I could have a garden and basically be a farmer/housewife/writer (the author’s role, sort of) — or maybe someone who teaches home economics cuz there was a lot about how much people would benefit if they learned about food/agriculture…thoughts! And I got to a part that already got me thinking: an essay by the author’s daughter (who sounds strangely like me — university student who teaches yoga and is really interested in nutrition?) about vegetarianism and how people expect her to be one, but she’ll eat meat that she knows the history around…more food for thought!

I read The 100 Mile Diet a long time ago. I loved it. But I didn’t act on it much at all. I wrote articles about eating local for a writing class I had and then pitched an idea about eating local as an athlete to Canadian Cycling Magazine–it ended up being my first published article in the magazine.

…but do I shop at the market every week? Nope. Do I buy Canadian options when they’re there? Rarely, but I can say that tonight when I went to the store to grab something for dinner, I bought Ontario potatoes and apples to use. Usually for the potatoes, I’d go for the cheaper ones and for the apples, the bigger ones the better. So this was a step in the right direction!

I did have a moment where I almost ate whatever for dinner, so it’s an extra good thing I went and was able to tide myself over with a granola bar (I haven’t had a Kashi bar in weeks, so it was kind of a treat, but I wasn’t that full so I’m not sure how I used to use them as a snack on a regular basis) in the presence of all the crackers and candies at my mom’s apartment when I got home!

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So heading to the grocery store to get REAL food was huge.

I had salmon, kale chips, and mashed potatoes (which I baked with the skins on in the microwave, added plain soy milk, garlic salt and a bit of olive oil to, and mashed by hand with the skins still on for fiber!). And I loved every bite. I also made a point of choosing what I think is at least a step in the right sustainable direction with the PC Blue Menu Salmon that is Marine Stewardship Council certified as sustainable.  No, it’s probably not perfect but you know what? This is a process for me, of leaning into more conscious/healthier eating. 🙂

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I also picked up some quinoa flakes, which means I can try Leanne’s recipe for a breakfast bake ASAP!

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Yeahhh I’m ready to be back in London. Tomorrow I’ll go to the clinic though, to at least see if they’ll give me an x ray or a referral for my hip. Fingers crossed!

For now, it’s bed time for me (I am a grandmother, yupp!).

Have you ever tried a breakfast bake?
Do you look for certain kinds of fish?
Have you read 100 Mile Diet? My article in CCM ;)? Animal, Vegetable, Miracle?

Heading home

Some weeks go uber fast…

😦

…my week in Texas with my family is coming to a close. And that makes me sad, because it was relaxing!

Yesterday involved lots of shopping, lots of salad, and some treats followed by a long game of UNO (which I won, of course):

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veggie stuffed peppers for me, but they was toooooo spicy! i'm a whip

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soooo I had salad instead, with a loaf of bread (not an exaggeration)

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polished the rest of this bad boy off

goooood morning

We leave in a bit for the airport and then we’ve got an afternoon flight! I should be back to Sarnia around dinner time and I’m going to stay over so I can get my hip checked out tomorrow morning before I head back to London. I do miss my friends but I really don’t miss the cold…and I heard it snowed yesterday! Oh well, it’s still winter so there’s not much use in complaining.

This week will be a busy one…back to reality! I feel rested (and a bit bloated) after this trip but it’s always hard to say bye cuz I don’t see my family all that much! 😦

Have an awesome Saturday!

How are you spending the weekend?
Is it snowy where you are?