- I’m still vulnerable to bingeing: tonight was a slippery slope that started with my treat bag (no more chocolate) and then progressed to sampling other treats that I really don’t remember tasting 😦
- My friends have impeccable timing: just at the right moment to save me from getting deeper into things.
- When you feel like you’re out of control, the best thing you can do is STOP. The worst is to keep going: this is me stopping.
- I tend to find ways to make myself miserable when I should just feel happy (with my family, relaxed, etc.): awareness is the first step. At least I’m noticing that right now the fact that I feel gross and guilty is making me want to put on a cranky face and be alone and isolated.
- I fear the worst: a little ouchie with my run today = I will never ever be a runner: this is bull and I know it. And I am an athlete already, I just don’t give myself credit.
- My priorities are wonky: did I foam roll every day this week? no. physio every day? no. journal every day? no. 😦 … but I realize this. And I just have to decide that I’m worth it.
- I need to learn my boundaries when it comes to blogging: no not TMI posts. more like the blogs that I read that sometimes promote certain “ideals” that I know aren’t healthy for me to read about. ditto for the magazines i buy and the friends I hang around with.
And now I’m done beating myself up. What’s good that I need to recognize from today:
- A year or two ago, coming here, things were very different. I spent my days working out, worrying about when I would work out, etc. I was a type about the food I ate (white pasta never would have happened) and can recall bingeing/purgeing numerous times and keeping it to myself. 😦
- This is a process: The treat bag was awesome. But I think I realized I’d much rather enjoy a bigger treat at the end of the day or as a break than I would to eat the same amount of food spread out over the day. And I am not saying both can’t happen, but I am being realistic and realizing that if I eat too much junk food at the expense of eating enough healthy food, that’s problematic!
- I got some sunshine in, some good deals, and a bunch of quality time: half a binge, a whole binge, the binge to end all binges, can’t take that away from me and so long as I don’t let it, it cannot take away any of the continued good times I’m going to have while I’m here.
- I am relaxed: As evidenced by my gut reaction to not allow myself to feel good, I must have been feeling pretty chill. It’s either a migraine or a bit of a slip, I feel like. But this will change and relaxed will slowly become more comfortable. Something like the “this is your true nature” kind of message that comes at the end of a yoga class with relaxation, this is how I’m meant to be — happy, stable, NOT freaking out.
- I am back on track already: starting now. Not starting tomorrow. Recovery involves slips–which get further and further apart–and getting back on track, stronger for it. Consider it done!
Sorry for the randomness.
When your blog is your diary, there’s bound to be a few of these posts…
I’ll add a song so it’s a bit more legit…
Do you tend to focus on the bad things? How might you shift to recognize positives?
Are you good at slowing down or do you find it hard to relax? Any tips?