WIAW

This post is going to take a different route and kind of sum up some of the stuff I’ve been snarfing lately. And snarf I have…the last stressful week left me eating kind of like a monster. You won’t see the chocolate and random nibbles in these pictures cuz they happened too fast for a photo BUT I am owning up. Last night was a fun night full of junk food (you’ll see) so I’m definitely feeling it and have the motivation to get back on the healthy train. All life is balance and in the past I’d have felt so driven and compulsive about eating “perfectly” to make up for a “bad” week but I’m looking at it with totally different eyes. Acceptance. That makes change possible, right?

Here goes!

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apple oats with raisins and walnuts and yogurt

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rice cakes, almond butter, sprouts, and cranberries

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mini meatloaf and brussel sprouts

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yogurt and oats and coconut 🙂

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oats and cinnamon and banana and yogurt and yummmmm

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apple, kale, carrot, and grape salad with chicken

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swiss chard, brussel sprouts, and sausage 🙂

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pudding shots with baileys and kahlua om nom nom

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oh lord, my coffee table is wild. pudding shots + sour puss gummies = the things you can only justify having as a student therefore needed to be consumed. guac and bacon wrapped figs from my friend who we’ll call martha! and havarti cuz havarti makes a party…

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disclaimer: didn’t eat this all. but did dabble in a burger with peanut butter because how can you not at 2am?

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failed protein pancake…delicious mess when it comes with a banana, honey, peanut butter, and flaxseed on top

It would appear that I love oats and yogurt. That’s the honest truth! Still, posting my eats make me realize I could use some v a r i e t y! I’m craving a bagel…

 

What’s something tasty you ate this week?
What do you eat a lot of?
Have you ever made pudding shots?

Unexpected epiphanies

Wowzer. I didn’t have any intention of this being a post about realizations or anything bigger than a bike ride this afternoon (45km ish with a friend :)!), cleaning, and what I ate today. Funny how blogging can spark insight…enjoy:

I think I blogged before that I’m feeling a bit stuck in my routine of eating the same things over and over again.

Kashi berry crisp, all bran buds, and grapes with yogurt!

My breakfast bowl was a little different, which is a start.

I spent the morning working on making my apartment presentable (it’s not disorganized mess — I have lots of things to go to my mom’s place for the winter like my boots/coats/etc.). I closed my closets for the first time in 2012! Yahoo. I also made it to the bank, which has been on my to do list for a while. Check! Then I stopped at Bulk Barn.

Things got out of hand…and there are treat bags that I can’t help but reveal.

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gluten, dairy, soy, almond/peanut free for Angela (it's my version of chicken noodle soup since she's sick :(!): think dried fruit (bananas, papaya, pineapple, and mango), dates, and skittles

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My road trip dream: yogurt covered pretzels, pretzels, chocolate covered almonds, mixed nuts, papaya, banana chips, and chocolate rosebuds

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Everything I think my mom will like! 🙂

You’d be surprised to know I went on this bulk barn blitz AFTER lunch (another turkey sandwich with cheese, sprouts, mayo, and an apple — back to boring). I couldn’t finish my lunch, though, which brings me to a weird realization I had (that probably led me to feel “brave” enough to buy MYSELF a treat bag!). Get ready for this.

  • In the past, I have ALWAYS finished my plate. I cannot remember the last time I left anything on it. I sometimes think I’m just really good at knowing how much food I want, but I think it’s a remnant of dieting days where I would literally need everything on my plate (I also wouldn’t share food then, because every bite meant so much to me) or of my recovery days where I think I cleaned a heftier plate to prove I was recovering. — NEWS FLASH: You don’t have an ED if you decide not to finish something. You also should feel fine to finish things and to go back for more. The goal is to feel satisfied–not stuffed! 
  • This epiphany made me realize that I really can leave behind old habits.
  • In the past, I also would go out and buy road trip snacks for the people I was travelling with, trying to buy things I “don’t like” anyways. Often, I’d end up eating them with my friends/family and I wouldn’t even be having what I wanted, PLUS I’d be serving up a hefty dose of guilt in the process (it’s hard to ENJOY something as a TREAT when you hear a voice telling you that you shouldn’t be eating it). — NEWS FLASH: We all deserve treats. If we allow ourselves to eat food and to enjoy it without telling ourselves we shouldn’t, they will be more satisfying and will serve their purpose as a treat–not as a reason to beat ourselves up, not as something emotional, etc. 

All this thinking made me realize: I can go away this week and I can worry about what I’m eating. Or I can truly try to channel that healthy girl I know I am and find the voice that empowers me to eat in a way that is normal, balanced, and healthy and that doesn’t use food as a distraction, a means to beat myself up, etc. I can change. Evidenced by the empowerment I felt by just deciding that I was full and didn’t need the entire plate at lunch or by the simple act of making myself an uber appealing treat bag, I can change. I can be the healthy girl I want to be. I am her! My goal for the week is to eat things in moderation. Candy on a daily basis, most likely. American junk food that I wouldn’t let myself ENJOY in the past (though I’d end up eating lots of it in bingeing fashion). Things like white bread and white potatoes (which the blogging world has a tendency to label “bad” but really are not the devil) and butter, full fat cheese, and whatever else comes up along the way. I’m not going on a junk food eating bender here. When I allow myself that flexibility and see myself succeeding and eating as a balanced person would, I feel so powerful. I know in my heart that I will crave vegetables and fruit and nutritious foods and that I will eat them–so no worries that I’m going to die from a nutritionally related disease next week, kiddos! The thing that I think people often forget that I’m trying to remind myself: I eat to live. The food I put in my body is fuel. If food is holding you back, could you just let go? What would happen if it didn’t have power? Might you not weigh what you’re supposed to (more, less, the same) without stressing about it? Might you not have more time and energy to spend working on things that matter and to seek out experiences? Because really, what are we here for if it’s not to live?

And I apologize for getting all philosophical, deep, recovery-like on you there, but I hope that made sense. I also hope I can take it and apply it.

So for dinner tonight, when I was seriously craving peanut butter and cereal, I went with it. And along the same vein as I realized above, feeling guilty about not eating veggies won’t serve me. Feeling bad about eating a lot of cereal in a day also won’t. Recognizing that at the end of the day, I fuelled myself and didn’t binge, didn’t use food as an excuse, didn’t let it rule my life: that’s healthy! So probably is my fibre intake…

Anywho, it’s time for me to finish packing and then to go get my zen on. I’m really excited for this trip…

Bring on the Tasty Cakes.

Bring on the family bonding (I miss my Grandma and uncle, I can’t remember the last time my mom and I took a road trip).

Bring on the pretty drive.

Bring on the time to read.

Bring on the time to sleep.

Bring on the bike rides in the hills.

Bring on the happy!

Have you had any of these realizations before?
What would be in your treat bag?
Have you had tasty cakes (I think I need a supplier)? 

Life is messy

Today ended up being a bit counter productive, but in the long run, these days are important.

I had an awesome rainy run this morning on the trails. I got lost a little and found myself walking a tree like a tight rope to get back to a path. It happens, and when it does you realize running on the road is oh so boring. I had Garmin issues and I was a soggy rat but I was smiling.

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My lunch was uber early since I worked up an appetite on the trails. Warning: this picture is terrible. But it’s a turkey and cheese sandwich with sprouts and mayo (no surprises here) and an apple.

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After lunch a hurricane hit my apartment, or maybe I tore everything out of my hallway and bedroom closets/drawers?  I worked away on it all afternoon, but I took a break to meet with a prof (about doing my Masters, but that will have to wait until after my nutrition degree is done and who knows what I’ll be passionate about by then, but still cool and I really did enjoy sociology so…I’m keeping my options open! RD with a Masters in Food Sociology? Does that exist? Maybe…or maybe I’ll have to pioneer it) and to have a session with my counsellor, which was a lot about the voices in my head. If that’s not stereotypical of a shrink session, what is? I’m just kidding…but seriously. I wrote down the things that my dominant (the disempowering voice I hear so much) voice (right now) says — things like “you’re meant to be fat. you’re not pretty enough. you’ll always be single. you’re lazy” — and the things my empowering voice says — “your deserve all the good in the world. you’re perfect. you are beautiful. you’re smart.” — and then committed to at least trying to entertain this positive voice more in my life. There’s a good goal if I’ve ever set one!

Anyways, I made some good progress in my apartment as the before/after below will show:

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I also took a break for a snack that I didn’t get a photo of (I was hungry): Kashi organic wheat biscuits and peanut butter. Random but delicious. The ingredients list for the cereal is literally wheat, sugar, and natural flavours. Simple, yummy, easy!

And I whipped up a good dinner with some of the ingredients I know I should eat up before I go away for the week: a spinach salad with acorn squash, turkey, and cranberries (there was maple dressing in the mix, of course, and a few pecans). I think this is the first time I didn’t eat my acorn squash cut in half with a spoon. It was awesome so expect to see me spice it up with squash from now on.

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After spin tonight (the class was awesome — I used almost the same playlist as Friday since I was at a different gym but I changed the order around a bit since hindsight is 20/20), I was hungry!

My snack is more delicious than beautiful: a banana with peanut butter and coconut and chocolate chips. You know there were a few extra licks of peanut butter and I’m not really going to be ashamed to admit that.

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Now it’s time for me to:

a) sleep

b) read blogs

c) work on my summer to do list

d) clean

e) work on my freelance assignment

f) foam roll

I think b) is going to win. Then a), of course (I made sure my bedroom is clean so I have a nice place to crash soon). I’m reminding myself I’ll be able to write from my Grandma’s with my downtime and that my article isn’t due for another week (and I already have sources!) and trying not to let the anxious “you’ll never get it done” voice rule when I have never not gotten it done before…so there!

It’s impossible to believe that tomorrow is May, and I’m going to go ahead and set goals:

  • find my empowering voice — and write down what it says at least once a day
  • act like the person I want to be — i.e. get dressed in clothes that fit now and make me feel good, not in comfy clothes so I can work out or in clothes that are uncomfortably tight just to prove I can; eat things that I picture a healthy, happy version of me eating (not the same thing day after day) in a way that I would do so in front of people (i.e. chew?); take the time to take care of myself and my things (i.e. do my laundry and put it away where it belongs, do my dishes every night so I don’t wake up feeling lazy, paint my nails, etc.)
  • do more workouts with friends and outside (if this is an option, take it!)
  • do one thing every week just for the sake of fun (I played my violin the other day and as rusty as I was, it was bliss)
  • for every magazine I bring in, take two out (I have a problem in the form of hundreds of magazines)
  • make a vision board (I have wanted to do this for so long–who’s in?! for real!)
  • eat dessert with friends at least once a week (or more, but at least!)
  • read more books (before bed, when I’m “bored”, and when I’m killing time–rather than just texting, reading random things online, or worrying that I should be doing something productive)
And now methinks I should call it a night! I’ve got a bunch of cleaning to finish up tomorrow, a bike ride with a friend to look forward to (hoping for sunshine!), and maybe a yoga class if I’m feeling good. Oh, and errands. And packing. And smiling. Busy!

Have your set any goals for yourself lately? Care to share?
Do you hear different voices in your head? Any tips for listening to the “nice” one?
What’s your favourite way to eat squash?

 

Saving the best for last

Where did the day go?

I feel like I could say that about this week, this month, this semester, and even this year.

When I look back on my pictures, I realize today went to my take home exam, to crying over thinking about all the changes coming up and realizing that this is the end of the line, and to getting sweaty. All in all, it was a productive day.

After my morning post, I did a spin class that reminded me why I love spinning. I finally feel like I’m getting my legs back after my injury. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed it.

I refuelled after the class with a protein shake (I haven’t had one in AGES) and a banana before grabbing a few things I needed (i.e. paper to print this take home exam on) and some food (because you always need food when you’re shopping) and then dove into the essay writing.

I also worked on my leftovers a bit more with lunch—a barbecue turkey sandwich and cherry tomatoes.

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After an appointment with my counsellor this afternoon, I was pretty hungry so I dug into an apple mixed with some nut butter. Warning: this isn’t the prettiest snack, but it is delicious.

Heading to bootcamp, I was seriously tired. Struggling to keep my eyes open, even. But since it was the last one and since I know teaching takes about 5 minutes to cheer me up and energize me, I found a second wind and left the boot campers with a sweaty workout.

Warmup / Cone drill – jogging, shuffling, criss crossing, high knees, butt kicks, lunging, jump squats

Circuit x 4 (minimal rest in between exercises, 60 seconds between rounds):

  • weighted walking lunges –> with weights held overhead, bicep curls, shoulder presses, shoulder raises, or an oblique twist
  • pushups
  • burpees
  • weighted sumo/plie squats
  • plank with row
  • mountain climbers
  • weighted sit ups
  • weighted V sit oblique twists
  • burpee/mountain climber combo — MY FAV, but definitely not my participants’!

Wall sits – Because who doesn’t love feeling like their thighs are on fire?

Cool down/stretch

When the class was done, I got plenty of sweaty hugs and thank yous and a big dose of “I love my job” goodness. I really left the gym on a high and part of it was that I did this sweaty beast of a workout with them but also that I realize I am lucky and am getting back to being me, the fitness instructor who looks forward to teaching and loves the people and the music and the sweat and the spandex and all the good things that go along with group fitness!

After the class, I had a quick dinner—salmon over spinach salad with carrots, pecans, maple vinaigrette, and cranberries (a familiar flavour)—and then got back down to work.

Now I just have to print it and make it to class to hand it in tomorrow and I’m officially done 2 of my courses! Once I submit my website (aka this blog, which is weird since I just post on it all the live long day) for my online class tomorrow, all that’s left is a small exam next week.

Bring on freedom! But more urgently, bring on my pyjamas—I’m wiped!

How was your Tuesday?
What’s your favourite way to use turkey leftovers?
Have you ever tried mountain climber burpees? 

 

 

 

 

Sleeping in, getting serious, and a shocker

After staying up late last night to plug away at my essay, I slept in til about 7 instead of going to swim.

My pre-library breakfast was oats, yogurt, maple syrup, raisins, and an apple.

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After a bit more progress on the paper, I had an appointment with the dietitian. I’ve been feeling like I’m picking at food a lot and have been a bit over-anxious about my choices, so I was grateful to have someone to talk it out with! To be honest I was feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning and I’m uber sore from yesterday, so my plans to head to the pool for a short swim post-appointment were abandoned in the name of more essay work…and lunch!

Since it’s chilly out, I embraced the opportunity to have some chili. Plus I walked past Tim Horton’s and had a craving for it when I saw someone getting it! Mine’s the PC Blue Menu vegetarian kind, and it was awesome with toasted whole grain sourdough bread.

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My dessert was an apple and more essay.

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Guess what?!

The writing part’s done. Now to cite, cut down four pages (or not, thoughts on going over and handing it in?), and look for people willing to read over it for me.

Actually, now to the shocker part of the title.

This article about beetles in starbucks drinks came up on my Facebook news feed today. As the article says, it’s nothing new. I never knew, though, that there were beetles in that food dye that is in so many foods! I guess it’s a bit more reason to eat more real foods, don’t you think?

I read a blog about the issue from a vegan who pointed out that eating bugs is wrong. Then a friend posted a link to an article about how bugs might provide the protein the world needs to deal with hunger, and I thought about how there are a lot of answers and was reminding of Eating Animals and the shocking suggestion that really shook me that eating dogs would be logical. Read an excerpt on it here (but only if you’re ready to seriously consider going vegetarian and probably to cry).

And hopefully that’s enough distraction to keep you occupied for a while since the next few days might be a whirlwind for me. Right now I’m off to physio…wish me luck! On the agenda tonight: I’d like to cook, finish these citations, and get to yoga.

Do you ever have strawberry frappucinos? Will you still?
Did you know about that food dye?
What do you think about the excerpt from Eating Animals?
How do you know it’s time for a day off from the gym?

(relatively) wordless recap/wiaw

It’s essay time but I thought I’d do a quick post so I have less things on my list of “what I’d rather be doing”…

So here ya go:

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yogurt, all bran buds, honey, banana, and walnuts

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kale chips, tempeh sandwich (with light mayo and sprouts on ezekiel bread)

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coffee -- lucked out that they ran out of soy so i got to crack open a mini almond milk! YUM

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messy but delish

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hummed and ha ed but decided to have nut butter twice (in decent amounts) today--a la Nancy Clark suggesting if you eat foods that "have power" over you enough, they lose that power...to own that decision, and to NOT have peanut butter fingers after this meal. and I did it. HA! empowering.

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one, not all

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decaf coffee = essay fuel

And what all that food went to fuel today:

Plus a massage. Oh my hips love my RMT. And so does my soul, cuz she’s one of the coolest people I can think of.

That’s all…

How was your Wednesday?
What’s the tastiest thing you ate today? (squash)
Did you work out today? 

 

Tired Tuesday

It’s not even 9:30 and I am ready for bed. I’m trying to keep myself occupied for a bit longer before a foam roll/stretch session and then hopefully a good night’s sleep!

This afternoon was not that productive…but I did manage to check a few little assignments off my to do list (decided to keep my essay on the to do list til I can really dive in — hoping to finish it tomorrow).

I also managed to make a colourful version of ants on a log using carrots, a mix of almond/peanut butter, and raisins. So easy, so good.

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I thought this would be uber filling but I was hungry again in about two hours so I went for an apple before teaching bootcamp!

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It was delish. I also did a 20 minute run. 20 minutes! Slow and steady was the name of the game. I need that foam roll session…

The bootcamp workout was inspired by Nina’s suggestion and looked like this

  • Warmup (general fitness warmup)
  • BODY WEIGHT/CARDIO (50 seconds on/10 seconds off): pushups, jump squats, jump lunges, burpee/jack
  • STATIONS (1 minute at each): pushup/pike on stability ball, jump rope, cleans, plank with dumbbell row, dumbbell thrusters
  • body weight/cardio repeated
  • stations repeated
  • body weight/cardio repeated
  • stations repeated
  • ABS: marathon abs (1 minute of each) with the 6 girls choosing their favs = plank, leg raises, reverse crunches, oblique crunches, a crunch with one leg crossed over (i don’t have a name for this), sit ups
  • COOLDOWN/STRETCH
Sweaty. 🙂 I didn’t do most of it with them, but I did do the core stuff at the end! Bring on the abs of steel.
Dinner was a quick one! I cooked up some tempeh and had it on ezekiel bread with light mayo and sprouts. On the side, I had romaine lettuce/sprouts with light caesar dressing. Delicious.

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Andddd, permission to go to bed!

I have an early spin on the agenda tomorrow, followed by class, hopefully going to a presentation, and a massage before bootcamp. And that essay…

Do you procrastinate with essays?
Have you tried tempeh?

What’s your fav ab move?

Gimme a break

I don’t need a break any more…I need to get down to work, but I’m clearly prioritizing and getting you guys caught up before I get down to busy.

Yesterday after class I went to a meeting with my TA about this big term paper I am writing for next week. I felt MUCH better after. I have an idea of where I’m going with it, at least, and am actually a bit excited to write it! I know if I give up the perfectionism I’m so prone to and just get started, I’ll have a draft soon enough. I’ve got lots of background information, tons of ideas, an episode (the season 13 premiere) of The Biggest Loser and I’ve been paying attention (sorta) to my sociology prof…so analysis, let’s go! It’s kind of cool   nerdy when you actually want to write an essay, don’t you think?

I went to yoga yesterday afternoon. It was WEIRD, but WEIRD can be good. Not your typical power class, not that challenging in a physical sense, but for me the class was a step outside of my comfort zone, and Sabre got through to me with her anecdotes/ideas again. She was talking about challenging yourself, about how people often look around to see what a pose will look like instead of just doing it (to see if they think they’ll be able to), and I distinctly remember her saying something like

“In your life, see where you find challenge. And try to think about that challenge as an opportunity. And then go after it.” 

I told you Sabre’s the best!

After yoga I went in my stinky-ness to Joe Fresh at the far far superstore. And I got a migraine while I was there. Which means there was no way in heck I was driving home, so I took a cab and paid the 30 dollars to get back to my apartment. I slept for a while, woke up, cooked myself dinner…”Fish and Chips” (salmon with sweet potato and kale chips — topped with cranberries and maple syrup), worked on my project, ate an apple (exciting), and slept again.

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As you know, migraines frustrate me but they’re definitely a sign that I was too stressed. Usually when I start to relax, they hit me. That means I need to destress on a regular basis…easier said than done!

This morning I woke up and had a normal breakfast even though I felt so out of it from the medicine and the migraine and the weird sleep (I read about migraine hangovers for the first time today and I definitely think I have one). Then I went to get my car and to the pool. I was starving so I had a Kashi bar — haven’t had that many lately, and it was either stale or just crunchier than I’d remembered and not my fav — and then swam about 2500m! I was glad Angela drove me to get my car and even gladder she wanted to swim so I had some external motivation to get to the pool (no tri club friends or cute boys forcing me there ;)!).

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After coming home and having leftovers in a salad for lunch (soooo good!), I made up my mind to go to the shower! I made the drive and saw friends I haven’t seen in a long time. This was my first baby shower. So many “aweeees” 🙂 and Lori is ADORABLE all the time, but as a pregnant woman she is even cuter, if that’s possible! I miss my Sarnia friends a lot and it was really nice to see some of them, even if it was (too) short but sweet! There were cute baby shower games and tons of food.

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snacks of choice...plus some hershey kisses (I should have known better than to eat lunch BEFORE an Italian baby shower!) 🙂

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After the shower, Tanya and I spent a few hours at Starbucks (same study spot, different city), chatting  and “doing work”. I probably could have gotten more done on my essay, but at least it’s in progress and I really miss my friends, so the quality time was worth it! I saw some other familiar faces too, which is always a bonus. Besides my hair, there’s been  lots changes since I was home at Christmas (the last time I saw most of my friends).

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When I came back, I threw together a quick dinner that I really can’t call a recipe but that is probably going to be a new fav 4 ingredient base for all kinds of delish: almond butter (all good recipes start this way!), quinoa, spinach, and chick peas. Don’t hate it, just try it. And report back.

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Tomorrow is Around the Bay, and it’s been almost 12 weeks since I got hurt. I’m choosing to send all the good vibes in the world to the people running tomorrow and remembering that I am at least starting to feel better! Not to mention, think of all the insight that’s come out of this hip issue!?

My goal for the night is to do as much of the other things on my to do list besides my essay as possible. My goal for the week is to keep smiling, and to put things in perspective. I’m going to finish this essay and I’m not going to fail it. I’ll probably do better than I think. I often get incapacitated because I feel overwhelmed by big tasks or by a ton of little ones, but if I just do one thing at a time and remember that my best is all I can do (and that stressing = migraines = sucks), I might be better off!

Have an awesome night. 🙂

How are you spending your weekend?
What’s the best random bowl you’ve thrown together in a while?

Have you ever been to a baby shower? What’s your favourite game? (I liked guessing how big her belly was with ribbon–I was close!)

WIAW no holding back

I’ll start with the basic, and then get into the no holding back part.

This morning, rolling out of bed was tough. I blame it on a whole bunch of too short sleeps and springing forward. I did manage to throw together a quick breakfast of grapes, all bran, yogurt, and pecans before making it to 8:30 class almost on time!

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My morning snack (an apple with almonds) I ate over a chat with a friend who was here for an exam today! I haven’t seen her in a while so I stole away for a bit and was glad I got to talk to her, even if it was short and sweet.

crappy photo, good snack -- tradeoff makes it okay!

About an hour after that snack, my tummy was rumbling again so I went ahead and downed my lunch–a tuna/cheese/sprouts sandwich and some cherry tomatoes. Yummy again, but a bit soggy by lunch time :(.

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After a busy day of work (and those still pumping me up tweets), I had my afternoon granola bar—the homemade ones I legitimately think I could eat every single day.

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I had a rather unphotogenic banana en route to spin class today. I was going to save it for after but it had been a while since the snack part A, so I went for it while I walked in the sun! 20120314-202331.jpg

Spin went well. I stuck to the coach’s plan, which meant mostly Zone 2 (read: “easier than I would like) and some Zone 3 stuff. No microphone meant I had to yell, or rather got to yell, for an hour. Stress relief, much?

I was still ravenous when I got home so even though I have a fridge full of food, I had a quick dinner. Repeat of yesterday’s lunch seemed good — and it was delicious. This time I added some raisins to the nut butter, carrots, and alfalfa sprouts in the wrap. Perfection.

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What’s missing is the 2 other biggie carrots I downed while I was getting this ready—of course dipped in nut butter. And the water I chugged after. And you can’t see one thing: the tummy ache I gave myself.

So here come’s the full disclosure part: I felt like I was borderline bingeing tonight.

I was stuffing my face and stuffing my face, eating healthy carrots and peanut butter but feeling a bit out of control. Note that stuffing your face is far from eating intuitively. I was thinking about how I shouldn’t be having nut butter when I already had nuts but thinking back on Nancy Clark’s suggestion to eat your forbidden food every meal til you get sick of it (note: don’t try to get sick of it in one meal if you wanna experiment here). I was thinking about how I should be eating the veggies in my fridge. I was thinking about how I didn’t work as hard at spin as normal. I was thinking about how I have spare time tonight and should really put my laundry away. I was thinking about when I’m going to get everything done. I was thinking about a lot—and not about the food. So I removed myself, had a shower, and came back to it, promising myself that if I wanted to, I could have some chocolate sitting down when all was said and done but that since it was WIAW, I’d have to own up to all of it.

So, owning up is what I’m doing. I managed to take a photo of what my “binge” was and this was big–because the food itself wasn’t. Still, the way in which I was eating and the feelings were on the edge of a full blown binge and even though all those things I was worrying about are bugging me and a distraction would be nice, bingeing isn’t something I’m willing to do to get it. My recovery is too important.

Yeah, not my best effort. We all have our days though, right? In the grander scheme, hiding that I overdid it with a few extra spoons of peanut butter, an energy bars worth of granola, and some chocolate chips would send me into a bunch of questions and self-doubt: am I recovered? (yes) am I a hypocrite? (not if you’re honest) should I restrict? (no)

So I’m using it as a demonstration of how to get over a binge before it takes over.

My suggestions:

  • tell someone—accountability, even if it’s a text message, is going to make you more likely to get yourself out of a negative cycle
  • remove yourself from the situation—even if you’re not sweaty and stinky, take a shower OR go for a walk, sit in a different room than the kitchen, go outside for five minutes. perspective can change and getting away from “danger” is wise
  • don’t beat yourself up—do NOT restrict. I was tempted to cancel plans to celebrate a friend’s birthday over fro yo tomorrow (if you’re reading this, know I am slapping myself silly) and then realized how freaking selfish and stupid this would be, not to mention it would suggest that I need to be punished, which sounds more like a disordered thought than a healthy thought, don’t you agree?
  • figure out what’s up—for me it takes writing or blogging to get to a conclusion about what the heck is up. I don’t always get the answer (tonight I think it’s a combo of having a messy apartment, having a really stressful/busy day even though it went well, having a lot of self doubt, and a deeper attempt to sabotage myself…sorry for getting all deep on you here but I know that seeing my life heading down the road I want it to and feeling happy are AWESOME but they’re also NEW and DIFFERENT and allowing myself to be awesome used to be impossible, then became possible but hard, and now is beginning to be my norm with just a couple of these silly resistances—in other words, letting myself eat normally and letting myself go to school for what I want to and letting myself train like an athlete and letting myself be proud of my accomplishments are all things I know I need to and deserve to do, but it’s all kind of new awesome territory)

…phew!

Sorry for getting all that out. If that’s not a binge I don’t know what is. So my plan for the evening is as follows: chill. Yes, I have assignments due in the next week. Yes, my laundry needs to be put away. BUT I think my frantic and scattered brain is trying to tell me something, and it’s not that I’m in trouble because my socks aren’t folded and in their drawer.

Have you ever had one of these post-recovery “almost” moments? How’d you deal?
What’s the best thing you ate today?
How do you relax when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

Something to look forward to

Howdy! (apparently part of me is still on texas!)

Today has been flying by. It started with a solid swim that made me realize I’m not so out of shape in the pool but that swimming can be tough!

I also drank too much coffee with my pre-swim snack for a tougher workout. My bad.

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Breakfast was a repeat of yesterday’s sandwich from lunch — an almond and pumpkin butter mix — with a banana and a coffee. Yes, I am addicted!

I’d be lying if I said I woke up stressing less than last night. A good night’s sleep helped but I had an article to pound out before my normal work to do. I also headed to the hills of Brescia this morning after swim for a meeting of a committee that I think is the coolest. Thing. Ever. They’re working with the hospitality program at western and if you have ever thought about how much food universities go through, you can imagine the potential. In the states, a really cool program called the real food challenge caught my eyes a long time ago. It’s about getting real food on campuses and about having sustainable programs. Right up my alley much?

Anyways there were so many things in the works and I am probably giving a gross understatement if I felt like I was on the verge of something and in the right place at the right time. Yesterday after interviewing a source for my Canadian Cycling Magazine article I brought up a peer nutrition program I’m interested in volunteering for and the woman, who is one of the rd on campus, told me about this meeting. I immediately called another professor and got myself an invite. And I went. And it was awesome. And I have another reason to know I’m making the right decision.

I want to thank everyone for the advice and comments and messages you sent in response to my plea yesterday. The general consensus is “follow your heart” which is ageless for a reason.

I’m following it right up Brescia Hill. Huffing and puffing, but that’s a minor detail.

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After the meeting and a quick appointment with the dietitian, I had lunch and met up with a friend for lunch (carrots and an egg salad sandwich I bought because my packed lunch was oh so unappealing). I don’t know where these eggs came from…but again, for the most part, conscious choices are leading me to healthier and more on purpose food options, so I’m smiling. And saving money!

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Now that I’m at the Gazette, there’s work to be done. There was also an apple to be eaten, which in the words of my fellow editor and blogger Ryan was not as crispy as it looked!  I thought it was perfect. 🙂

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Now that I’m pumping up other editors’ blogs, I might as well add Naira’s brand spankin new one–The Purple Jalapeño–on which I am sure you’re going to see a ton of really tasty recipes. She makes good good stuff, and judging by her first pizza post, we are going to have lots of cooking/eating to do!

I hope you guys are having a good Thursday. What’s keeping me going through this is the promise of a good dinner (which I have to cook), time to fold my laundry (which is bugging me), and a YOGA class! I haven’t done yoga in SO long. I need that zen!

What did you guys do today?
How often do you do yoga?

How do you find new blogs?