Checking in


Pennsylvania has been good to me. Sunshine, quality time, shopping, a run…

I started the day off with a bowl of Kashi and Fibre 1 with a banana and soy milk (just like home).

Then my mom and I headed for a bit of shopping/errands! While we were out, we naturally ended up at Target, so we had snacks in the Starbucks there. I chose a greek yogurt with honey and then added a bit of my mom’s coffee cake crumble to make it delicious.

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I also played the crane game 🙂 … and won!

Sorry for the tummy shot!

When we got home I was ravenous so I whipped up a turkey sandwich. Best part of this bad boy = spicy mustard and american cheese. This is home sweet home!

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Here’s my haul: a fedora, anklets, a bunch of headbands that were 10 for 10 at Claire’s, pyjamas (the wild zebra shorts — I don’t believe in boring PJs), and that flannel shirt that screams lumberjack for the low low price of $1.99!

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After lunch, I headed for a run along the Buffalo Valley Rail Trail. My description is scenic but flat 🙂 It was uber hot and I felt really slow. Partway through my trek back, I turned my iPod off (there were so many birds to listen to and farms to look at, I figured I’d better enjoy it if I wasn’t distracted by my latest obsession (thanks Angela)!)

and I noticed my knee was clicking. It wasn’t bugging me, but that was a bit weird. When I got back to my car, I wasn’t feeling too hot. I went to the washroom and stretched/did some abs/pushups under the trees, and headed home. My foot started to hurt when I got out of the car, which blows. I’ll just whine: I don’t want to be injured! I already dealt with a yucky one this year and am just starting to trust my body again–this is scary! That being said, I’m not stupid. Ice, stretch, rest, etc. etc.

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And just because I like to share everything about myself, I’ll add in that while I was on my run today (mile 5 I think), my Aunt Flo came for a visit. Love her–it’s been five long years. But seriously. I must be relaxed! Might be thanks to the chocolate I devoured in the last 24 hours. I think all that remains in my treat bag is yogurt pretzels, nuts, papaya, and pretzels!

Anyways, besides chocolate, I’ve been seeing a lot of pretty countryside and a buttload of COWS!

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I had a normal snack–peanut butter and an apple–when I got home. The afternoon went quick and some thunderstorms just rolled in along with an epic dinner (we collaborated on this one — me veggies and a salad, mom meatballs and pasta, uncle bob bread <— omg bread)!

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Consider me carbed up and ready to go for a bike ride tomorrow. I am really nervous about the traffic around here–does anyone have tips for how to find SAFE routes? I know Map My Ride might help…I bookmarked a page with some suggestions. I also found some maps from a nearby town that I might check out tonight! I’m planning on going late morning/early afternoon tomorrow (provided the weather is cooperating) so the traffic shouldn’t be awful. 🙂

So far, so good!

How’s your week?

 

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Unexpected epiphanies

Wowzer. I didn’t have any intention of this being a post about realizations or anything bigger than a bike ride this afternoon (45km ish with a friend :)!), cleaning, and what I ate today. Funny how blogging can spark insight…enjoy:

I think I blogged before that I’m feeling a bit stuck in my routine of eating the same things over and over again.

Kashi berry crisp, all bran buds, and grapes with yogurt!

My breakfast bowl was a little different, which is a start.

I spent the morning working on making my apartment presentable (it’s not disorganized mess — I have lots of things to go to my mom’s place for the winter like my boots/coats/etc.). I closed my closets for the first time in 2012! Yahoo. I also made it to the bank, which has been on my to do list for a while. Check! Then I stopped at Bulk Barn.

Things got out of hand…and there are treat bags that I can’t help but reveal.

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gluten, dairy, soy, almond/peanut free for Angela (it's my version of chicken noodle soup since she's sick :(!): think dried fruit (bananas, papaya, pineapple, and mango), dates, and skittles

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My road trip dream: yogurt covered pretzels, pretzels, chocolate covered almonds, mixed nuts, papaya, banana chips, and chocolate rosebuds

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Everything I think my mom will like! 🙂

You’d be surprised to know I went on this bulk barn blitz AFTER lunch (another turkey sandwich with cheese, sprouts, mayo, and an apple — back to boring). I couldn’t finish my lunch, though, which brings me to a weird realization I had (that probably led me to feel “brave” enough to buy MYSELF a treat bag!). Get ready for this.

  • In the past, I have ALWAYS finished my plate. I cannot remember the last time I left anything on it. I sometimes think I’m just really good at knowing how much food I want, but I think it’s a remnant of dieting days where I would literally need everything on my plate (I also wouldn’t share food then, because every bite meant so much to me) or of my recovery days where I think I cleaned a heftier plate to prove I was recovering. — NEWS FLASH: You don’t have an ED if you decide not to finish something. You also should feel fine to finish things and to go back for more. The goal is to feel satisfied–not stuffed! 
  • This epiphany made me realize that I really can leave behind old habits.
  • In the past, I also would go out and buy road trip snacks for the people I was travelling with, trying to buy things I “don’t like” anyways. Often, I’d end up eating them with my friends/family and I wouldn’t even be having what I wanted, PLUS I’d be serving up a hefty dose of guilt in the process (it’s hard to ENJOY something as a TREAT when you hear a voice telling you that you shouldn’t be eating it). — NEWS FLASH: We all deserve treats. If we allow ourselves to eat food and to enjoy it without telling ourselves we shouldn’t, they will be more satisfying and will serve their purpose as a treat–not as a reason to beat ourselves up, not as something emotional, etc. 

All this thinking made me realize: I can go away this week and I can worry about what I’m eating. Or I can truly try to channel that healthy girl I know I am and find the voice that empowers me to eat in a way that is normal, balanced, and healthy and that doesn’t use food as a distraction, a means to beat myself up, etc. I can change. Evidenced by the empowerment I felt by just deciding that I was full and didn’t need the entire plate at lunch or by the simple act of making myself an uber appealing treat bag, I can change. I can be the healthy girl I want to be. I am her! My goal for the week is to eat things in moderation. Candy on a daily basis, most likely. American junk food that I wouldn’t let myself ENJOY in the past (though I’d end up eating lots of it in bingeing fashion). Things like white bread and white potatoes (which the blogging world has a tendency to label “bad” but really are not the devil) and butter, full fat cheese, and whatever else comes up along the way. I’m not going on a junk food eating bender here. When I allow myself that flexibility and see myself succeeding and eating as a balanced person would, I feel so powerful. I know in my heart that I will crave vegetables and fruit and nutritious foods and that I will eat them–so no worries that I’m going to die from a nutritionally related disease next week, kiddos! The thing that I think people often forget that I’m trying to remind myself: I eat to live. The food I put in my body is fuel. If food is holding you back, could you just let go? What would happen if it didn’t have power? Might you not weigh what you’re supposed to (more, less, the same) without stressing about it? Might you not have more time and energy to spend working on things that matter and to seek out experiences? Because really, what are we here for if it’s not to live?

And I apologize for getting all philosophical, deep, recovery-like on you there, but I hope that made sense. I also hope I can take it and apply it.

So for dinner tonight, when I was seriously craving peanut butter and cereal, I went with it. And along the same vein as I realized above, feeling guilty about not eating veggies won’t serve me. Feeling bad about eating a lot of cereal in a day also won’t. Recognizing that at the end of the day, I fuelled myself and didn’t binge, didn’t use food as an excuse, didn’t let it rule my life: that’s healthy! So probably is my fibre intake…

Anywho, it’s time for me to finish packing and then to go get my zen on. I’m really excited for this trip…

Bring on the Tasty Cakes.

Bring on the family bonding (I miss my Grandma and uncle, I can’t remember the last time my mom and I took a road trip).

Bring on the pretty drive.

Bring on the time to read.

Bring on the time to sleep.

Bring on the bike rides in the hills.

Bring on the happy!

Have you had any of these realizations before?
What would be in your treat bag?
Have you had tasty cakes (I think I need a supplier)? 

Life is messy

Today ended up being a bit counter productive, but in the long run, these days are important.

I had an awesome rainy run this morning on the trails. I got lost a little and found myself walking a tree like a tight rope to get back to a path. It happens, and when it does you realize running on the road is oh so boring. I had Garmin issues and I was a soggy rat but I was smiling.

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My lunch was uber early since I worked up an appetite on the trails. Warning: this picture is terrible. But it’s a turkey and cheese sandwich with sprouts and mayo (no surprises here) and an apple.

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After lunch a hurricane hit my apartment, or maybe I tore everything out of my hallway and bedroom closets/drawers?  I worked away on it all afternoon, but I took a break to meet with a prof (about doing my Masters, but that will have to wait until after my nutrition degree is done and who knows what I’ll be passionate about by then, but still cool and I really did enjoy sociology so…I’m keeping my options open! RD with a Masters in Food Sociology? Does that exist? Maybe…or maybe I’ll have to pioneer it) and to have a session with my counsellor, which was a lot about the voices in my head. If that’s not stereotypical of a shrink session, what is? I’m just kidding…but seriously. I wrote down the things that my dominant (the disempowering voice I hear so much) voice (right now) says — things like “you’re meant to be fat. you’re not pretty enough. you’ll always be single. you’re lazy” — and the things my empowering voice says — “your deserve all the good in the world. you’re perfect. you are beautiful. you’re smart.” — and then committed to at least trying to entertain this positive voice more in my life. There’s a good goal if I’ve ever set one!

Anyways, I made some good progress in my apartment as the before/after below will show:

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I also took a break for a snack that I didn’t get a photo of (I was hungry): Kashi organic wheat biscuits and peanut butter. Random but delicious. The ingredients list for the cereal is literally wheat, sugar, and natural flavours. Simple, yummy, easy!

And I whipped up a good dinner with some of the ingredients I know I should eat up before I go away for the week: a spinach salad with acorn squash, turkey, and cranberries (there was maple dressing in the mix, of course, and a few pecans). I think this is the first time I didn’t eat my acorn squash cut in half with a spoon. It was awesome so expect to see me spice it up with squash from now on.

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After spin tonight (the class was awesome — I used almost the same playlist as Friday since I was at a different gym but I changed the order around a bit since hindsight is 20/20), I was hungry!

My snack is more delicious than beautiful: a banana with peanut butter and coconut and chocolate chips. You know there were a few extra licks of peanut butter and I’m not really going to be ashamed to admit that.

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Now it’s time for me to:

a) sleep

b) read blogs

c) work on my summer to do list

d) clean

e) work on my freelance assignment

f) foam roll

I think b) is going to win. Then a), of course (I made sure my bedroom is clean so I have a nice place to crash soon). I’m reminding myself I’ll be able to write from my Grandma’s with my downtime and that my article isn’t due for another week (and I already have sources!) and trying not to let the anxious “you’ll never get it done” voice rule when I have never not gotten it done before…so there!

It’s impossible to believe that tomorrow is May, and I’m going to go ahead and set goals:

  • find my empowering voice — and write down what it says at least once a day
  • act like the person I want to be — i.e. get dressed in clothes that fit now and make me feel good, not in comfy clothes so I can work out or in clothes that are uncomfortably tight just to prove I can; eat things that I picture a healthy, happy version of me eating (not the same thing day after day) in a way that I would do so in front of people (i.e. chew?); take the time to take care of myself and my things (i.e. do my laundry and put it away where it belongs, do my dishes every night so I don’t wake up feeling lazy, paint my nails, etc.)
  • do more workouts with friends and outside (if this is an option, take it!)
  • do one thing every week just for the sake of fun (I played my violin the other day and as rusty as I was, it was bliss)
  • for every magazine I bring in, take two out (I have a problem in the form of hundreds of magazines)
  • make a vision board (I have wanted to do this for so long–who’s in?! for real!)
  • eat dessert with friends at least once a week (or more, but at least!)
  • read more books (before bed, when I’m “bored”, and when I’m killing time–rather than just texting, reading random things online, or worrying that I should be doing something productive)
And now methinks I should call it a night! I’ve got a bunch of cleaning to finish up tomorrow, a bike ride with a friend to look forward to (hoping for sunshine!), and maybe a yoga class if I’m feeling good. Oh, and errands. And packing. And smiling. Busy!

Have your set any goals for yourself lately? Care to share?
Do you hear different voices in your head? Any tips for listening to the “nice” one?
What’s your favourite way to eat squash?

 

Off to a good start

Happy Saturday!

The rest of yesterday went fast and was filled with fun.

The spin class at campus rec was fun to teach–Chelsea made it out, which always makes things more fun, and the mic worked. Bonus.

After class, Ellen and Angela came over to eat dinner/get ready for our evening on the town. I made BBQ chicken, potatoes, and salad, which tasted great with good company and good wine!

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Our night out was fun, but a little bittersweet since a bunch of people are leaving (for the summer mostly, but Nina is done and Western and that brings a tear to my eye because I love her to death!).

We tried to ease the pain with tequila…

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JK. But that did happen!

So did lots of dancing, staying out way past our bedtimes, and plenty of fun.

I managed to sleep in til 10 today (a miracle for me!). I finally got up and had some breakfast, coffee with Angela, and then headed for my run.

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Of course I forgot to start my Garmin, but that makes my time unofficial (but trust me, my pace was slow). I took it to the trails along the river here. Best. Decision. Ever. It was gorgeous and nice to get out of the “how fast are these miles” kind of trap and to the “omg I better leap over this tree trunk”…I love trails! I won’t lie though, I had to sit on a branch and crawl over it on two occasions…it happens!

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When I got home I stretched and did a quick circuit 3x through: 25 sit ups, 20 kettle bell swings, 15 pushups, 10 squats, and 5 burpees. FYI burpees the day after you party a little too hard feel even more awesome than normal…

After a shower my stomach was growling so I had a late lunch (turkey and alfalfa sandwich with cheese and mayo plus some pickles).

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Tonight my mom’s coming for a visit and I have plans to see “The Five Year Engagement” — I hope it’s as funny as it looks in the previews. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the movies so I’m really looking forward to it.

How are you spending your weekend?
Do you like running on trails?  

 

 

Walk the walk

Ya know all that good stuff about talking the talk and backing it up by walking the walk?

Let me tell you, it’s delicious.

After last night’s big realization, I made good on my plans to live and love life last night. Rachel and I chit chatted and then met up with some girls I miss far too much for fro yo! It had been a few hours since dinner so I had a hefty, awesome cup of chocolate/amaretto mix with chia seeds, granola, coconut, and a cherry on top. I think I have this fro yo thing down to an art…

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And it was so good to catch up with everyone. 🙂 Fro yo or not, say yes to people when they ask you to hang out. Just go for the experience…when’s the last time you regretted hanging out with a friend?

When I got home I dove into bed and into the book I mentioned in my post — Do I Look Fat in This? Life Doesn’t Begin Five Pounds From Now and as I thought, it was just what I was searching for in my epiphany. There’s a whole chapter called “But I’m Just Trying to Be Healthy” and some stuff sticks out to me worth sharing…

  • “…to talk about health is to talk about more than just weight charts and fat counts. It is to talk about wholeness, wellness, and a sense of complete balance mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.”
  • “Have you been dieting for well over half your life? Has the fact that you haven’t been able to reach the size you desire masked any of the other accomplishments you have achieved in your life?…I wonder how many other areas of your life are not being honoured because you are so restrictive.”
  • “It’s time for the woman you are now to confront your inner dieting child and find out if this is a pattern you wish to continue. Being healthy is about having a well-rounded life. Moving your body, eating balanced meals, and working on your emotional and spiritual health. If you spend all your time focused on food and your size, you may be missing the fullness of your life that is available to you now, not five pounds from now.”
Amen to that!
There’s a lot of talk in the book about walking the walk and that is what I need — reassurance that I can do it and the reminder that actually living it is the important thing! I also came across a post on Body Love Alchemy about the need to use your A-ha moments to change how you live. So that’s what I’m doing…
This morning I woke up pretty early, fixed myself a bowl of cereal, and decided to get on with my day.
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good

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better!

I spent the morning doing what I want to — blog, send emails, getting things ordered and some plans set to get excited about for the next couple weeks (things suddenly look more colourful), and drinking coffee of course.

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And this afternoon I am going to run with Ellen and then head on my road trip to see Lisa! I am beyond excited and proud of myself for going there just on a whim, eating dinner out, and not worrying about getting home late/when I’ll work out this weekend, etc. It’s time to fake it til I make it, and I’m doing it.

At the end of the day, if all I did was check my workouts off my to do list, eat my fruits and veggies, and that’s it, that’s fine. What’s not fine is if trying to do those things interferes with me living and interacting and doing fun stuff. Because isn’t being healthy supposed to make life more enjoyable? So when did it turn into something that we prioritize at the expense of other fun things? Yes workouts are important. Eating healthy is good for you. Schoolwork and work are important. But so is having fun and making time for friends, eating junk food, and being able to sleep in every once in a while.

I feel a whole bunch of these rambling posts coming on…and a whole lot of fun straight ahead for me!

Theme song…

Had any good realizations lately?
What are you doing this weekend? 

Catching up

Well, this has been one of the most go go go weeks ever. Now it’s time for some down time, or something like that. My one exam is next week but I’ve not been studying, mostly because I’ve been too busy catching up with friends, catching up with laundry, and catching up with sleep (actually, I’ll never be caught up with sleep!).

Thursday was a whirlwind with a swim, seeing the dietitian, a massage, and a coaching consult plus trying to be in two places at once! The Gazette year end dinner won out, however, but it was sad to realize that the year is coming to an end! Again, I’m glad to be back here next year, even though I won’t be an editor. I’m looking forward to volunteering there nonetheless.

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I think in an attempt to make the whole “year end” part a little bit easier I drank a bit too much wine. By the time I got home after dancing and seeing other friends at the bar (whose pictures I won’t include for sake of not embarrassing them ;)!), I still felt out of it. I tried sleeping it off but I woke up feeling out of it, so I headed to the gym on my rest day (eek!). Sometimes you have to go with what you’re feeling, and I was feeling the need to sweat.

So I ran and spun and it was awesome. No hip pain! Knock on wood. I did almost 4 miles with my walk breaks like I’m supposed to and then I spun for almost an hour. I finished with some stretching, went to physio, and got the good news that I can keep up with running, my physio exercises, and start adding some intensity. I didn’t say even though I wanted to that running after 10 weeks off makes every run feel intense—but it does. Anyways, I’m grateful to be running again even if there isn’t enough oxygen in the world when I’m running ;).

After my sweaty morning, we had Volume 105 vs Volume 106 face-off (old Gazette editors vs. new Gazette editors) in Capture the Flag. It was a gorgeous day so even though the game was almost a fail, I was glad to be in the sun. Especially when we stopped playing and one of the photo editors graciously offered to set up his slackline for us to try. I am always up for making an ass of myself so I was all over this. After a while there was a group of us and it was so nice to be outside for the afternoon, slacking (literally).

Here we are…

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Andddddd here’s what we’re aspiring to…

Just a word or warning, I’m sore. Mighta been this week’s workouts, but there are little muscles in my legs that I’ve never ever felt before talking to me this morning. Yay for that.

After the sunny afternoon wrapped up, I did a sweaty yoga class (I could barely resist the urge to just lie on my mat for the hour) and then hung out with Angela after dinner! We watched Stick It but obvs fell asleep. The important thing is that we made it to the best part…

…I’ll take her abs any day.

Anyways, I’ll wrap this bad boy up with a few choice eats over the past couple days. Delicious. I’m hoping to cook a bit more over the next 3 weeks with my downtime, but usually downtime ends up getting busier than “normal” time. Today I’m hoping for a swim and some yoga and maybe to finish the laundry that I’ve been doing since Tuesday? Fail. Or maybe a pedicure…decisions!

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chicken ceasar salad made with toast croutons. improvising!

Have you seen Stick It?
Have you ever been off for an injury and come back feeling out of shape? Any words of wisdom?
What are you doing this weekend?

 

Shake it off

Good morning!

I woke up pretty early this morning without an alarm. I’m using it as reason to eat a relaxing breakfast, watch the Today Show, drink copious amounts of coffee (just kidding) and to get down to work on cleaning my messy apartment (now that I have no excuse in the form of schoolwork).

Kashi, All Bran, berries, and almond butter with soy milk.

I think part of why I woke up so early was all the weird dreams I was having. One in particular shook me—I dreamt I decided that I wanted to go to Journalism school at Columbia. I saw myself opening my offer for financial aid and deciding that I wanted to go. And freaking out, starting to pack my apartment, and looking for an apartment in NYC.

Don’t worry, I’m not packing my bags. I don’t see myself actually having one of these moments, because I’m pretty darn excited about taking summer school to start off my Foods and Nutrition degree. So what I’m going to do is look up what the dream means. When I was a kid, my mom was always looking up our dreams in dream dictionaries, which is much easier to do now that we have the internet and unlimited resources at our disposal:

“Generally all packing dreams show that it is time to revaluate your life. How you actually pack the items in your dream is important. If you packed things in a hurry, and too quickly then you have too much in your life and you are not spending enough time on relaxing activities, you are starting to feel that you are taking on too much – which indicates a time for rest…Packing in your dream also signifies a feeling of interference from a family member; you may experience over the next year a family rift or something similar. Personal growth will only come about if you are willing to change and this dream clearly signifies that need in some form.”

“To dream of scholarship means advantages you have during times of stress or anxiety. Special benefits or
support you’ve gained through a close relationship.”
“To dream that you are moving away signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship; you are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence.”
“To see a city in your dream signifies your social environment and sense of community. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone.” 
Okay. So I’m in for some change, apparently. And I need to embrace it and embrace the relationships and the people in my life, it would seem. Isn’t that kind of always the truth, though? “Change is the essence of life…
Do you ever look up your dreams?
What would you do with a few free hours in the morning?

14 hours fly by

…when you’re uber busy and having fun!

Yesterday started with a good ol’ sweat session at the gym, including some riding on the spin bike on my own and a class with Sarah, one of my fav. people/instructors whose class I haven’t been to in what feels like ages!

Riding inside with 20 other people really didn’t compare to Thursday’s ride, which I got to take with Mel. Who lights up my life. Seriously. I was NOT loving life at first, but then the sun was shining and Mel was smiling and I would classify our ride as the best and most rejuvenating hour of my week. JUST what I needed.

Actually, it started with breakfast (All Bran, Kashi, banana, yogurt, honey, walnuts, deliciousness).

After my spin I immediately wanted to eat everyone in the gym.

I settled on a Kashi bar instead.

After my shower, fuelling up my gas tank (holy schnikes gas is getting expensive!), and grabbing a starbucks for the road (obviously), I headed for Sarnia!

My sister, my mother and I put our turkey in the oven and headed over the bridge for a shopping adventure.

I was snarfing my peanut butter/carrot combo while we drove over the bridge. There was miraculously no delay at the border on a holiday weekend, so luckily stuffing carrots down my face on Easter weekend seems okay.

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When the customs officer who asked who was the best shopper, all eyes pointed to me, and I lived up to it. I got a couple of shirts from TJ Maxx, a new pair of running shoes (now that I’m running again!), and a buttload of cereal. JK. But I did get a box (or three) and some Clif Bars in flavours you can’t find back in the motherland. Part of it informed an afternoon snack.

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I also found a dress for Thursdays’ Gazette/tri club festivities! 15 dollars at JC Penney. I figured what the heck.

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Now I need black heels, because I found these ones first and didn’t buy them.

Also on the didn’t buy but really wanted to list: new jeans. It seems silly to buy ANOTHER pair right now, when I hardly wear them and when summer is coming! I’m putting these on my Christmas list. 🙂 Or the maybe I’ll buy these when I get my next paycheque list…

Our turkey was waiting for us when we got home. Even though I sampled the green bean casserole, had a bit of stuffing, and a few sweet potatoes, my plate was less of the traditional and more of what I was craving–a turkey schmamwich, cranberry sauce, and a big ol’ salad.

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When I got back to London last night, after checking out my sister’s wedding photos (so pretty!) it was almost 11. I put on Cinderella Story but only made it to the best scene…

And I had sweet dreams of Chad Michael Murray.

Long day. But lovely!

How did you spend your Saturday?
What’s your favourite cheesy movie scene?
What’s your favourite part of a turkey (or ham/holiday) dinner?