Unexpected epiphanies

Wowzer. I didn’t have any intention of this being a post about realizations or anything bigger than a bike ride this afternoon (45km ish with a friend :)!), cleaning, and what I ate today. Funny how blogging can spark insight…enjoy:

I think I blogged before that I’m feeling a bit stuck in my routine of eating the same things over and over again.

Kashi berry crisp, all bran buds, and grapes with yogurt!

My breakfast bowl was a little different, which is a start.

I spent the morning working on making my apartment presentable (it’s not disorganized mess — I have lots of things to go to my mom’s place for the winter like my boots/coats/etc.). I closed my closets for the first time in 2012! Yahoo. I also made it to the bank, which has been on my to do list for a while. Check! Then I stopped at Bulk Barn.

Things got out of hand…and there are treat bags that I can’t help but reveal.

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gluten, dairy, soy, almond/peanut free for Angela (it's my version of chicken noodle soup since she's sick :(!): think dried fruit (bananas, papaya, pineapple, and mango), dates, and skittles

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My road trip dream: yogurt covered pretzels, pretzels, chocolate covered almonds, mixed nuts, papaya, banana chips, and chocolate rosebuds

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Everything I think my mom will like! 🙂

You’d be surprised to know I went on this bulk barn blitz AFTER lunch (another turkey sandwich with cheese, sprouts, mayo, and an apple — back to boring). I couldn’t finish my lunch, though, which brings me to a weird realization I had (that probably led me to feel “brave” enough to buy MYSELF a treat bag!). Get ready for this.

  • In the past, I have ALWAYS finished my plate. I cannot remember the last time I left anything on it. I sometimes think I’m just really good at knowing how much food I want, but I think it’s a remnant of dieting days where I would literally need everything on my plate (I also wouldn’t share food then, because every bite meant so much to me) or of my recovery days where I think I cleaned a heftier plate to prove I was recovering. — NEWS FLASH: You don’t have an ED if you decide not to finish something. You also should feel fine to finish things and to go back for more. The goal is to feel satisfied–not stuffed! 
  • This epiphany made me realize that I really can leave behind old habits.
  • In the past, I also would go out and buy road trip snacks for the people I was travelling with, trying to buy things I “don’t like” anyways. Often, I’d end up eating them with my friends/family and I wouldn’t even be having what I wanted, PLUS I’d be serving up a hefty dose of guilt in the process (it’s hard to ENJOY something as a TREAT when you hear a voice telling you that you shouldn’t be eating it). — NEWS FLASH: We all deserve treats. If we allow ourselves to eat food and to enjoy it without telling ourselves we shouldn’t, they will be more satisfying and will serve their purpose as a treat–not as a reason to beat ourselves up, not as something emotional, etc. 

All this thinking made me realize: I can go away this week and I can worry about what I’m eating. Or I can truly try to channel that healthy girl I know I am and find the voice that empowers me to eat in a way that is normal, balanced, and healthy and that doesn’t use food as a distraction, a means to beat myself up, etc. I can change. Evidenced by the empowerment I felt by just deciding that I was full and didn’t need the entire plate at lunch or by the simple act of making myself an uber appealing treat bag, I can change. I can be the healthy girl I want to be. I am her! My goal for the week is to eat things in moderation. Candy on a daily basis, most likely. American junk food that I wouldn’t let myself ENJOY in the past (though I’d end up eating lots of it in bingeing fashion). Things like white bread and white potatoes (which the blogging world has a tendency to label “bad” but really are not the devil) and butter, full fat cheese, and whatever else comes up along the way. I’m not going on a junk food eating bender here. When I allow myself that flexibility and see myself succeeding and eating as a balanced person would, I feel so powerful. I know in my heart that I will crave vegetables and fruit and nutritious foods and that I will eat them–so no worries that I’m going to die from a nutritionally related disease next week, kiddos! The thing that I think people often forget that I’m trying to remind myself: I eat to live. The food I put in my body is fuel. If food is holding you back, could you just let go? What would happen if it didn’t have power? Might you not weigh what you’re supposed to (more, less, the same) without stressing about it? Might you not have more time and energy to spend working on things that matter and to seek out experiences? Because really, what are we here for if it’s not to live?

And I apologize for getting all philosophical, deep, recovery-like on you there, but I hope that made sense. I also hope I can take it and apply it.

So for dinner tonight, when I was seriously craving peanut butter and cereal, I went with it. And along the same vein as I realized above, feeling guilty about not eating veggies won’t serve me. Feeling bad about eating a lot of cereal in a day also won’t. Recognizing that at the end of the day, I fuelled myself and didn’t binge, didn’t use food as an excuse, didn’t let it rule my life: that’s healthy! So probably is my fibre intake…

Anywho, it’s time for me to finish packing and then to go get my zen on. I’m really excited for this trip…

Bring on the Tasty Cakes.

Bring on the family bonding (I miss my Grandma and uncle, I can’t remember the last time my mom and I took a road trip).

Bring on the pretty drive.

Bring on the time to read.

Bring on the time to sleep.

Bring on the bike rides in the hills.

Bring on the happy!

Have you had any of these realizations before?
What would be in your treat bag?
Have you had tasty cakes (I think I need a supplier)? 

Life is messy

Today ended up being a bit counter productive, but in the long run, these days are important.

I had an awesome rainy run this morning on the trails. I got lost a little and found myself walking a tree like a tight rope to get back to a path. It happens, and when it does you realize running on the road is oh so boring. I had Garmin issues and I was a soggy rat but I was smiling.

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My lunch was uber early since I worked up an appetite on the trails. Warning: this picture is terrible. But it’s a turkey and cheese sandwich with sprouts and mayo (no surprises here) and an apple.

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After lunch a hurricane hit my apartment, or maybe I tore everything out of my hallway and bedroom closets/drawers?  I worked away on it all afternoon, but I took a break to meet with a prof (about doing my Masters, but that will have to wait until after my nutrition degree is done and who knows what I’ll be passionate about by then, but still cool and I really did enjoy sociology so…I’m keeping my options open! RD with a Masters in Food Sociology? Does that exist? Maybe…or maybe I’ll have to pioneer it) and to have a session with my counsellor, which was a lot about the voices in my head. If that’s not stereotypical of a shrink session, what is? I’m just kidding…but seriously. I wrote down the things that my dominant (the disempowering voice I hear so much) voice (right now) says — things like “you’re meant to be fat. you’re not pretty enough. you’ll always be single. you’re lazy” — and the things my empowering voice says — “your deserve all the good in the world. you’re perfect. you are beautiful. you’re smart.” — and then committed to at least trying to entertain this positive voice more in my life. There’s a good goal if I’ve ever set one!

Anyways, I made some good progress in my apartment as the before/after below will show:

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I also took a break for a snack that I didn’t get a photo of (I was hungry): Kashi organic wheat biscuits and peanut butter. Random but delicious. The ingredients list for the cereal is literally wheat, sugar, and natural flavours. Simple, yummy, easy!

And I whipped up a good dinner with some of the ingredients I know I should eat up before I go away for the week: a spinach salad with acorn squash, turkey, and cranberries (there was maple dressing in the mix, of course, and a few pecans). I think this is the first time I didn’t eat my acorn squash cut in half with a spoon. It was awesome so expect to see me spice it up with squash from now on.

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After spin tonight (the class was awesome — I used almost the same playlist as Friday since I was at a different gym but I changed the order around a bit since hindsight is 20/20), I was hungry!

My snack is more delicious than beautiful: a banana with peanut butter and coconut and chocolate chips. You know there were a few extra licks of peanut butter and I’m not really going to be ashamed to admit that.

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Now it’s time for me to:

a) sleep

b) read blogs

c) work on my summer to do list

d) clean

e) work on my freelance assignment

f) foam roll

I think b) is going to win. Then a), of course (I made sure my bedroom is clean so I have a nice place to crash soon). I’m reminding myself I’ll be able to write from my Grandma’s with my downtime and that my article isn’t due for another week (and I already have sources!) and trying not to let the anxious “you’ll never get it done” voice rule when I have never not gotten it done before…so there!

It’s impossible to believe that tomorrow is May, and I’m going to go ahead and set goals:

  • find my empowering voice — and write down what it says at least once a day
  • act like the person I want to be — i.e. get dressed in clothes that fit now and make me feel good, not in comfy clothes so I can work out or in clothes that are uncomfortably tight just to prove I can; eat things that I picture a healthy, happy version of me eating (not the same thing day after day) in a way that I would do so in front of people (i.e. chew?); take the time to take care of myself and my things (i.e. do my laundry and put it away where it belongs, do my dishes every night so I don’t wake up feeling lazy, paint my nails, etc.)
  • do more workouts with friends and outside (if this is an option, take it!)
  • do one thing every week just for the sake of fun (I played my violin the other day and as rusty as I was, it was bliss)
  • for every magazine I bring in, take two out (I have a problem in the form of hundreds of magazines)
  • make a vision board (I have wanted to do this for so long–who’s in?! for real!)
  • eat dessert with friends at least once a week (or more, but at least!)
  • read more books (before bed, when I’m “bored”, and when I’m killing time–rather than just texting, reading random things online, or worrying that I should be doing something productive)
And now methinks I should call it a night! I’ve got a bunch of cleaning to finish up tomorrow, a bike ride with a friend to look forward to (hoping for sunshine!), and maybe a yoga class if I’m feeling good. Oh, and errands. And packing. And smiling. Busy!

Have your set any goals for yourself lately? Care to share?
Do you hear different voices in your head? Any tips for listening to the “nice” one?
What’s your favourite way to eat squash?

 

Off to a good start

Happy Saturday!

The rest of yesterday went fast and was filled with fun.

The spin class at campus rec was fun to teach–Chelsea made it out, which always makes things more fun, and the mic worked. Bonus.

After class, Ellen and Angela came over to eat dinner/get ready for our evening on the town. I made BBQ chicken, potatoes, and salad, which tasted great with good company and good wine!

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Our night out was fun, but a little bittersweet since a bunch of people are leaving (for the summer mostly, but Nina is done and Western and that brings a tear to my eye because I love her to death!).

We tried to ease the pain with tequila…

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JK. But that did happen!

So did lots of dancing, staying out way past our bedtimes, and plenty of fun.

I managed to sleep in til 10 today (a miracle for me!). I finally got up and had some breakfast, coffee with Angela, and then headed for my run.

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Of course I forgot to start my Garmin, but that makes my time unofficial (but trust me, my pace was slow). I took it to the trails along the river here. Best. Decision. Ever. It was gorgeous and nice to get out of the “how fast are these miles” kind of trap and to the “omg I better leap over this tree trunk”…I love trails! I won’t lie though, I had to sit on a branch and crawl over it on two occasions…it happens!

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When I got home I stretched and did a quick circuit 3x through: 25 sit ups, 20 kettle bell swings, 15 pushups, 10 squats, and 5 burpees. FYI burpees the day after you party a little too hard feel even more awesome than normal…

After a shower my stomach was growling so I had a late lunch (turkey and alfalfa sandwich with cheese and mayo plus some pickles).

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Tonight my mom’s coming for a visit and I have plans to see “The Five Year Engagement” — I hope it’s as funny as it looks in the previews. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the movies so I’m really looking forward to it.

How are you spending your weekend?
Do you like running on trails?  

 

 

How much is too much?

So, looking back on my eats, one thing stands out. I am loving the high fibre cereal right now.

Last night, post-spin, I had yogurt with All Bran Buds.

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This morning, I combo’d more of the buds with Kashi and berries and soy milk for breakfast before swim.

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I had a snack that was not cereal–an apple–and after swim I ate a big salad with turkey, sweet potato, maple vinaigrette, dried cranberries, and pecans.

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I also did some core work and stretching with my swim because I’m nervous about my back of the knee pain. I thought it was in my hamstring, but now I think it’s in my calf. And I had calf pain last year similarly, so I know I can get through it. Nonetheless, blasting these songs is necessary:

And I’m moving on. I had a snack of more All Bran (but the original kind, so there’s the variety I know is important) with you guessed it, yogurt when I got home from texting and reading blogs at Starbucks  studying. Tomorrow’s exam is worth 20%, is open book, and is a Writing exam. I’m not sure what to expect because I’ve never had one of these before! So I’m studying a bit, staying calm, and trying not to worry (recall epiphany?).

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I’m just about to gear up for a ride. I hope my calf cooperates but I’m ready to do whatever I need to to take care of this/nip it in the bud! I think there’s a massage in my future and I’ll be stretching extra with all my spare time, rather than compulsively googling “back of the knee pain” etc. etc. and freaking myself out. Tonight I’m planning on seeing some friends, perhaps eating some fro yo, and on making sure I don’t eat All Bran for dinner! My fibre intake for the day is already over 50 grams, which is double the recommended intake. Yes, I am regular, thank you very much!

PS On my walk home today, I had time to slow down and notice some pretty flowers. Sometimes I get so in the zone and have my headphones on and my mind racing, but today I tried to walk and enjoy it! And tah-dah, look what stared me in the face!

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Do you ever get in food ruts?
Do you know if you eat enough fibre? 

14 hours fly by

…when you’re uber busy and having fun!

Yesterday started with a good ol’ sweat session at the gym, including some riding on the spin bike on my own and a class with Sarah, one of my fav. people/instructors whose class I haven’t been to in what feels like ages!

Riding inside with 20 other people really didn’t compare to Thursday’s ride, which I got to take with Mel. Who lights up my life. Seriously. I was NOT loving life at first, but then the sun was shining and Mel was smiling and I would classify our ride as the best and most rejuvenating hour of my week. JUST what I needed.

Actually, it started with breakfast (All Bran, Kashi, banana, yogurt, honey, walnuts, deliciousness).

After my spin I immediately wanted to eat everyone in the gym.

I settled on a Kashi bar instead.

After my shower, fuelling up my gas tank (holy schnikes gas is getting expensive!), and grabbing a starbucks for the road (obviously), I headed for Sarnia!

My sister, my mother and I put our turkey in the oven and headed over the bridge for a shopping adventure.

I was snarfing my peanut butter/carrot combo while we drove over the bridge. There was miraculously no delay at the border on a holiday weekend, so luckily stuffing carrots down my face on Easter weekend seems okay.

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When the customs officer who asked who was the best shopper, all eyes pointed to me, and I lived up to it. I got a couple of shirts from TJ Maxx, a new pair of running shoes (now that I’m running again!), and a buttload of cereal. JK. But I did get a box (or three) and some Clif Bars in flavours you can’t find back in the motherland. Part of it informed an afternoon snack.

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I also found a dress for Thursdays’ Gazette/tri club festivities! 15 dollars at JC Penney. I figured what the heck.

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Now I need black heels, because I found these ones first and didn’t buy them.

Also on the didn’t buy but really wanted to list: new jeans. It seems silly to buy ANOTHER pair right now, when I hardly wear them and when summer is coming! I’m putting these on my Christmas list. 🙂 Or the maybe I’ll buy these when I get my next paycheque list…

Our turkey was waiting for us when we got home. Even though I sampled the green bean casserole, had a bit of stuffing, and a few sweet potatoes, my plate was less of the traditional and more of what I was craving–a turkey schmamwich, cranberry sauce, and a big ol’ salad.

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When I got back to London last night, after checking out my sister’s wedding photos (so pretty!) it was almost 11. I put on Cinderella Story but only made it to the best scene…

And I had sweet dreams of Chad Michael Murray.

Long day. But lovely!

How did you spend your Saturday?
What’s your favourite cheesy movie scene?
What’s your favourite part of a turkey (or ham/holiday) dinner?